Oooooooh Shiny
by TheSilverboar
Summary: This is dedicated to everyone who has ever requested a story where Ash has an entire team of Shinnies.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a crack fic, that is your only warning.**

Ooooooooh, Shiny

Kanto: Part the first

-Ash-

"Nine hundred ninety-eight." Ash grunted, faint sweat on his skin from doing handstand pushups "nine hundred ninety-nine. One thousand." Grunting, the eighteen-year-old Ash gave one last hard push and flipped up onto his feet. "Well that was a good morning warmup." He grinned, having long ago gotten used to the fact that he never seemed to really get tired.

"Ash, breakfast!" his mom called from downstairs.

"All right!" he grinned, tossing on his hat as he vaulted over the railing to land on the first floor.

"Must you always do that?" his mom sighed, having long ago gotten used to him doing stuff like that.

"Of course he must!" his dad, Bruno, laughed out boisterously, his dad having come back from the League to see Ash off on the first day of his journey.

"Boys." His mom just sighed, placing large stacks of pancakes before them both.

"Thanks!" Ash and his dad exclaimed together, happily digging into the food with gusto as his mom laughed fondly.

"So Ash, who do you want as a starter?" his dad asked between bites of fluffy pancake, his mom eating more…sedately.

"Don't know." He grunted out, determined to eat more pancakes than his old man "They're all awesome!"

"Not gonna be a fighting specialist like me?" Bruno grinned, playfully ribbing Ash even as they reloaded their plates.

"I don't want people to be able to make a strategy against me so easily." He taunted, "All anyone needs is a bird or a psychic type and you tip like a milktank old man."

"Oi!" Bruno pointed a fork at him challengingly, "Them's fightin words!"

"Bring it ya limp noodle!" Ash grinned, butting heads with Bruno, "All I need is a pidgey and you're toast!"

"Boys!" his mom scolded playfully "Play nice or no more pancakes."

"Yes ma'am!" he and Bruno panicked, quickly turning back to the food as his mom smirked in smug satisfaction.

-Twelve stacks of Pancakes later-

"Ash, you're running a little late." Professor Oak frowned when he walked inside, Gary and the other rookie trainers already having their new Pokémon out and getting to know them.

"First, a Ketchum is never late, nor are they early. A Ketchum arrives exactly when they mean to." He smirked "Second, one does not simply ignore Momma Ketchum's pancakes!" a series of deadpans from the professor and the other rookies was his only response.

"Well Ash," the professor sighed "since you're late you won't get a choice on your starter, I've only got one left that came in from the breeder." Going over to a box, the professor took out the last ball and tossed it over.

"Ha, bet the loser just gets a pidgey." Gary chuckled to the other rookie trainers, some of the ones who were groupies to the Oak name laughing out.

"Come on out!" Ash tossed the ball skyward as it burst open to reveal a Pikachu, sparkles bursting out as it landed, spiky ears perked up. "Holy Arceus, a shiny!" he exclaimed as Pikachu looked smug "And it's a spikey ear too! That's freakin awesome! Up top Pikachu!"

"Pika!" eagerly, the shiny Pikachu leapt up onto his shoulder and slapped his open palm with its tail.

"Are you kidding me?!" Gary yelled out, looking more than a little angry at not getting a shiny, much to his Squirtle's indignation.

"Got that right Gare-Bear." He smirked, "So much for me being a loser. Pikachu and I will be sure to crush the league."

"Pika!" the shiny mouse cried out just as eagerly.

"Hoorah!" he shouted, getting his Pokéballs and Pokédex from a stunned aide before taking back off for home.

"Ash!" Bruno cried out happily, "I see you've got your-holy fighting type you got a shiny?!"

"Yes!" his mom cried out, cackling as she pointed at some of the neighbors whose kids had also started journeys "My boy has a shiny as a starter! SUCK IT!"

"On that note, it's time for me to head out to kick names and take ass." He grinned, pulling his parents into a bear hug as they gasped for air.

"Good…luck." His father wheezed out before he let them go.

"Let's hit the forest Pikachu!" Ash grinned, taking off running with Pikachu by his side.

"Pika!" his partner cheered happily as they entered the forest. Within a few minutes of entering the trail by his house he saw a battle between a horde of spearow and fearrow against some pidgey, Pigeotto, and pidgeot.

"Oi!" he yelled, annoyed at the birds blocking the path and taking a dump all over the trail, "move out of the way would ya!" Their response was screeching angrily and turning towards him, flapping their wings and getting ready to attack. "Pikachu, thunder shock." He called out as his starter used the weakest electric attack on the giant bird flocks.

"PI-KA-CHUUUUUUUU!" the shiny mouse called out as an electric attack the size of a skyscraper hit the flock as birds began falling form the sky!"

"Hey, more shinnies!" he grinned, throwing Pokéballs to a falling shiny Spearow and a falling shiny pidgey. "Whelp, best keep going to Viridian!" he grinned, "Come on Pikachu!"

"Pika!" his starter cheered as they rushed off, making sure to avoid the piles of bird poop.

-Arceus-

Relaxing in the Hall of Legends, the golden body of Arceus lounges as she watches the world of humans with one of her sisters…or she _WAS_ lounging, as was Giratina. Then she saw the chosen one she had given a blessing to along with his starter, who she hadn't expected to have the shiny trait or the spikey ear trait. Either one alone made a Pokémon stronger, as did having a human partner with aura. But a thunder shock doing THAT!

"HOLY FRICK IN A BUCKET!" Giratina fell to the ground in shock "I didn't realize I gave his starter that much of a power boost."

"You WHAT?!" Arceus yelled turning to her sister wide eyed. Occasionally, a legendary got a vision of an impending disaster or problem so they find a human to be a Chosen one and either bless the human with Aura, which enhances the power of all of their team, or bless one of the human's Pokémon. Arceus had a vision years ago and blessed Ash with Aura.

"I had a vision of him being in the area of a disaster, so I blessed his Pikachu." Giratina explained with a frown.

"I had a vision of him being in the area of a disaster, so I blessed _him_ with aura!" Arceus protested before she and her sister paused and looked at the viewing pool where they saw it was raining birds.

"DIBS!" they called in unison, taking their human forms as they did so.

-Garry Oak, ponce extraordinaire-

Scraping off a bunch of pidgey shit from his, now likely ruined, shoes, Gary Oak swaggered into the Viridian City Pokémon center. Striding inside, he strutted up to a deadpanning Nurse Joy and gave her a wink. Women loved an Oak, or at least that was what his dad had always told him. "Heyya toots," he grinned roguishly "heal up my team, would ya?" giving a flirty click of his tongue as he made finger guns, Gary backed up towards the video phones to call the old man.

"Ah, Gary." The old man smiled, "I was hoping you'd call when you got to Viridian."

"Yep, future champ in the making here!" he grinned, "I caught a pidgey on my way over and it'll be a powerhouse! So, how many Pokémon did Ashy-boy fail to catch?"

"Actually, Ash left Viridian city hours ago and has already caught a Pidgey, a Spearow, a ratatta, an oddish, a bellsprout, a male nidoran, a female nidoran, a magicarp, a poliwag, a caterpie, and a weedle. All of them shiny to boot!"

Gary_Asshole . exe has crashed, please initiate reboot sequence.

"Oh dear, I broke him." The old professor sighed, "Daisy! I think I broke Gary…again."

-Ash Ketchum-

Grinning excitedly, Ash walked down the streets of Pewter City. After getting past some weird hobo wanting to charge him for standing on a boulder, he managed to get down to the main part of town. Walking inside the Center, he smiled to the pretty pinkette behind the counter, "Hey Nurse Joy!" he smiled, walking forward as the nurse waved happily, "Wanted to know if you could give the team a look over."

"No problem Mr. Ketchum," the nurse took his team with a smile "and I've been looking forward to your visit. My sister you saw last week told all of us about you and your team of shinnies."

"Thanks Nurse Joy," he smiled happily, "I'm going to go make some calls."

"Have fun Mr. Ketchum!" Nurse waves him off as he goes to call his family and get his team swapped out for the upcoming gym battle against the rock type Gym Leader. An hour later, team prepared, he threw open the doors to the rock gym…which was, in itself, a giant rock.

"I'm Ash Ketchum of Pallet town!" he called out into the gym, "And I'm here for a battle!"

-Hall of Legends…again-

Frowning, Arceus looked about the hall of legends, now full of every legendary and mythical Pokémon in her creation. "Alright you lot," she frowned and pointed at the viewing pool "this is Ash Ketchum. I gave him the blessing of aura when he was a child after getting a vision of an impending event. I recently learned that Giratina gave his Pikachu a blessing as well. Now I need to know if anyone _else_ gave him or his team a blessing?" one by one all the legendaries start saying that they saw potential disasters and gave Ash or a member of his team a blessing.

"Pikachu, use thunderbolt!" Ash calls out, causing all eyes to look back at the viewing pool to see the small electric Pokémon hit an onyx with an attack so strong it overpowers the ground typing and knocks it out.

"Rrrrrgh, GO GEODUDE!" the frustrated Gym leader called out, sending out Pokémon number two.

"Magicarp, use tackle!"

"Duuuuude!" one rock type embedded in a wall later and the chosen one has won a gym badge.

As the rest of the sheepish legendaries all left to go back to their own domains, caves, and random towers, Arceus and Giratina looked at each other and nodded, once more taking their human forms and teleporting down to earth. They had each called dibs and nobody else would get a chance to get that chosen one booty.

-Ash…again. Methinks there may be a pattern here-

Blushing up a storm, Ash went to go collect his team from the Nurse Joy at the desk, wanting them checked as his magicarp had evolved into a Gyarados after tackling Brock's geodude into a wall. While he waited he had found himself between two other girls who seemed to be competing on who could make his blood enter a civil war about whether to go north or south.

One, Amy, had golden hair and tanned skin. The other, her sister Giselle, had pale blonde hair with blue highlights. They had been flirting with him constantly and when he said he was going up to the desk to pick up his team they had each kissed a cheek.

"Having fun Mr. Ketchum?" Nurse joy asked with a teasing smirk, tapping her cheek as he looked in a mirror to see two kiss marks on his cheeks, one gold and the other bright blue. Whipping off the lipstick with a blush, he collected his Pokéballs and prepared to head back out, needing to pass through Mount Moon to get to Cerulean city next.

-Gary Oak: Return of the Ponce-

Throwing open the doors to the Pokémon center, Gary oak grumbled. Ever since Viridian where he found out that the loser Ash had somehow got more Pokémon than him, and lucked out with them all being shiny, Gary had been determined to prove that he was the best.

"It was so adorable." He heard the Nurse laugh as she looked at what he guessed was a video call on a tablet, "I can't remember the last time I saw a young trainer so flustered. And those two didn't give Ash much of a choice about things as they went with him."

"Ketchum?" he exclaimed, confused as to why the nurse looked up annoyed at him hearing her conversation.

"Yes, Ash Ketchum won his first gym badge here several days ago and then left with two pretty girls who seemed determined to, um, 'place their mark' on him." The nurse smirked "Now do you need something? Also, please refrain from winking, doing your finger guns, or calling me 'toots'." She scowled in disgust much to his confusion, what woman didn't want the attention of an Oak? The Oak family were a group of Alpha Males and studs.

"I need my team healed so I can crush the Pewter Gym Leader!" he put on his serious game face. Together, he, Squirtle, Pidgey, and ratatta would crush the town's Gym Leader into the dust.

-One battle…um scrap?...one trouncing later-

Near catatonic, Gary Oak fell to his knees. His Squirtle had gone down easily to Brock's geodude with a thunder punch and his Ratatta hadn't even been able to make a scratch on the Rock trainer's Pokémon. "I ramped up my training after the last guy who challenged me." The Gym leader told him "He took out my Onyx with a Pikachu and his magicarp defeated that geodude with at tackle. After loosing to that Ketchum kid we decided to take things more seriously. You should try the same."

"…Ketchum?" he seethed, "I AM BETTER THAN THAT LOSER ASH!"

"…Yeaaaah, not really." The Gym leader shrugged unphased "You need a lot of work. That kid I can see winning the league if he keeps up whatever his regiment is."

"AAAAAAARGH!"

-Return to Ash the magnificent-

"Alright, I'm ready." He told himself, working to psyche himself up as he jogged in place by the gym. Since leaving Pewter he had managed to capture a Sandshrew, a Jigglypuff, a Mankey, an Ekans, a Goldeen, a Clefairy, a Paras, a geodude, a Zubat, a psyduck, a Crabby, a venonat, an Abra, and had evolved most of his old Pokémon at least once. He had also managed to avoid being bright red twenty-four seven around the flirty sisters who were still apparently competing on making him flush and who he had somehow ended up traveling with.

"You got this Ash!" Amy called out, she and Giselle having changed into bikinis for the water gym as they cheered him on, much to his body's dismay as his blood once more entered civil war.

"Trounce these airheads!" Giselle added, the two sisters having been annoyed at meeting the Cerulean city gym leaders who had been trying to ignore gym leader duties in favor of performing water ballets. Amy and Giselle had quickly changed into bikinis…somewhere while he challenged them and smirked as they were getting more attention than the 'airheaded excuses for gym leaders' as the sister put it.

"Hey!" the trio of Waterflower sisters protested angrily at the statements from Amy and Giselle.

"Let's rock this Pidgeotto!" he called out, sending out the golden bird as the entire audience gasped before they started cheering at seeing a shiny.

"T-that's a shiny?" the blonde cerulean sister he was battling gasped out, "You have a shiny?!"

"Every Pokémon I have is shiny." He shrugged, sending out the rest of the Pokémon he had on hand as they started showing off for the crowd.

"Ash, beat her good and I'll give you a kiss!" Amy called out as he stumbled in place, his blush getting worse.

"I'll give you two!" Giselle countered. When he heard the sisters start going back and forth he decided to tune them out lest he pass out from blood flow problems.

"Go goldeen!" the gym leader called out, looking determined to win.

"Alright Pigeotto, we worked hard to get this move down so let's give it a test!" Ash called out, thinking about the expert class move they had tried to learn before the weaker ones "Use Hurricane!"

"What?!" the gym leaders gasped out even as his shiny flying type flapped her wings hard as the water got sucked up into a massive hurricane, goldeen being knocked out easily.

"Kingler!" the gym leader didn't even hesitate as she sent out Pokémon number two.

"Pidgeotto return!" he called back the bird as Amy and Giselle began to coo and cuddle the happy Pokémon for its victory, "Go Krabby!" he sent out the tiny shiny crab that looked up at the larger than normal Kingler.

"All right, you got this Daisy!" one of the gym leader sisters called out to the blonde he was battling.

"Trounce this runt!" the other added.

Ash's response? "Crabhammer!"

"Kingler is unable to battle, Ash Ketchum from pallet town is the winner!" the ref called out even as the gym leader sisters fell to their knees and started crying about how life wasn't fair.

"Ooooooh Aaaash!" a voice purred in his ear as Amy and Giselle got right up behind him and began to purr in his ear "Time for your rewards." With that, the duo of trainers descended on him with a flurry of kisses and other happy sounds. Once they had finished, they led his dazed self to the lobby for a picture, this gym taking pictures of everyone who swept the gym, and then back out for the journey.

"He he he." A happy little laugh was the only sound Ash's brain could make besides 'YIPEE!'

-Gary Oak, the embarrassment of Pallet-

Grumpy, Gary Oak trudged into Cerulean city. It had taken him over a week of nonstop training, his Squirtle evolving, and catching a nidoran to be able to beat Brock…on his fifth attempt. Now he was in cerulean with an expanded team and was ready to get his journey moving like it was supposed to. Walking into the Pokémon center the nurse looked up and, upon seeing him, pointed to a new looking sing on the wall.

'Center rules: 1. No flirting with the Nurses without consent. 2. No referring to the Nurses as 'toots' without consent. 3. If you make any angry demands of the nurses you will be put on the bottom of the waiting line for amenities. 4. If you break rules one and/or two you will not be allowed a room in the center.'

Eye twitching more than a little irritably, Gary dropped his Pokémon off with the nurse and went to go talk to his gramps on the phone, the old man having refused to tell him about Ash's journey after the first time. "Gary, just got to Cerulean city I see." His grandpa smiled, always genuinely happy to see him.

"Yeah Gramps, just calling to check in with you before I go take on the Cerulean gym leader." He grinned, this one would be easy at least. The forums he found online said after a bad loss the Gym Leaders have been giving out badges recently to anyone who asks. After talking with his grandpa a bit more he ended the call as the nurse called him up to the desk.

"Mr. Oak, your team are in worse shape than we first thought so they'll need to rest here overnight. If you're aiming to challenge the gym it will have to be tomorrow." The nurse told him seriously as he groaned but relented. Wasn't like waiting till the next day would matter much.

-Next day (dun, dun DUUUUUN!)-

Swaggering into the water type Gym, Gary looked confused at the sound of angry shouting. Walking towards the source he found one girl with orange hair arguing with the three hotties he heard were the gym leaders. "Um, hello?" he called out as four heads turned towards him "I'm here for a gym badge." All they had to do was hand it over, he could leave, and they could go back to arguing.

"Well you'll be battling me for it." The girl with orange hair said with an angry look at her sisters, "I go away for a bit of catching and training but come back today to find these twits are giving away gym badges!"

Gary wanted to cry at his rightfully earned free badge being taken away from him like that before he forced himself to look serious, "I'll take you down!" he called, "Go Nidorino!" he sent out his poison type who roared and stomped on the platform it was on.

"The name's Misty and this will be a one on one battle." The girl told him as she pulled out a Pokéball, "Go Star-"

"Psyduck!" a beam of light left her bag as one of her Pokémon let itself out.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" he cackled eagerly "Looks like I'm battling psyduck! This'll be easy! You must suck as a trainer if that dope doesn't listen to you and lets itself out like that."

Misty growled out angrily, "Psyduck, use water gun!"

"Duck?" the yellow Pokémon tilted its head, hands on its face.

"Psyduck!" Misty groaned out as he laughed, Misty's sisters snickering as well.

"Nidorino, use headbutt!" he ordered, his Pokémon leaping onto psyduck's platform and slamming its head and horn onto psyduck's skull. "Alright, keep it up!" he called out, tears of joy starting to form in the corners of his eyes. He was going to do it, he was going to win! He was about to get what he deserved aaaaand why were the duck's eyes glowing?

"Psy-DUCK!" the yellow Pokémon yelled angrily as Nidorino was blasted back by a powerful psychic attack and knocked out in one move.

"The winner is Misty Waterflower!" the referee called out as the orangette cheered and hugged her Psyduck.

"Come back when you can actually battle." Misty sneered at him as he returned Nidorino and slumped out. In the lobby, Gary saw a wall of pictures and a sign saying they were of people who swept the Gym. The most recent one grabbed his eye as he saw Ash standing there with a dopey grin, face covered in blue and gold kiss marks as two total BABES held his arms and winked at the camera.

"Curse you KETCHUUUUUM!"

-Meanwhile, with the people who actually matter-

"Alright!" Ash cheered as Pikachu took out Lt. Surge's Raichu, Voltorb, and Magneton in a one on three battle.

"Way to go Ash!" Amy and Giselle cheered, the girls having changed into a skimpy version of a military uniform. After Cerulean the two had gotten bolder and he had found himself starting to return their gestures, even managing to fluster them on occasion.

"Not bad pipsqueak." The electric trainer seeming in surprisingly good spirits about losing, "Let me know if you and your mouse want to become gym leaders at some point. I could train you up to take over here in Vermillion."

"I'll consider it." Ash promised, shaking hands with the giant.

"You do that. No go to your girls, they look eager to reward you." The soldier teased as Ash flushed and got drug off by Amy and Giselle who waved goodbye to Lieutenant Surge.

"Ah, he's a good runt." The man laughed as the door closed behind them. Pulling up a tablet he checked the kid's trainer profile and saw that the kid had caught the first stage of every Pokémon native to the routes he had travelled on and evolved several of them. Furthermore the kid had somehow gotten a Squirtle, a Bulbasaur, and a Charmander between Cerulean and Vermillion and every bloody Pokémon the kid caught had been shiny.

"Definitely keeping an eye on the runt and his girlfriends." He smirked as he saw the girls taking turns kissing the kid senseless outside.

-With Amy and Giselle-

(A.K.A. Arceus and Giratina but if you didn't know that then I happen to know a Nigerian prince who would absolutely love to talk with you)

Looking at Ash sleeping away as they made camp, she walked outside the tent to talk with her sister. "Giselle." She nodded to Giratina who smirked back.

"Amy." The goddess of the void nodded, "Here to admit defeat and relinquish your excuse of 'dibs'?"

"No, I'm here to ask that of you." Amy got in her sister's face "I called dibs first so he's mine!"

"No, _I_ called it first so he's _mine_!" Giselle countered.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

By this point they're pulling at each other's hair and clothes as they argue over who gets the chosen one booty. "Enough!" looking over, they saw Ash coming out of the tent, "Girls, you're both pretty. Now can you stop fighting already! It's one on the morning and you two are sisters so act like it!" Silently, Amy turned to look at her sister as they shared a nod, noting how Ash seemed to realize things had just changed dramatically.

"I believe Ash is right sister dear." Amy smirked as she stalked towards Ash, Giselle copying her as Ash gulped.

"Why yes, I believe you're correct Amy." Giselle nodded as they each grabbed a fistful of Ash's shirt.

"We're sisters. Sisters are supposed to share and work together." Amy grinned as they began to drag Ash inside his tent.

"We'll probably have to work together with this little stud muffin." Giselle smirked as they tossed Ash onto the sleeping bags and pounced.

-Ash-

With extra pip in his step, Ash walked into Celadon City, an exhausted Amy and Giselle walking bow legged behind him, shit eating grins on their faces. "Come on girls," he grinned, arms around their waists as they leaned into him "I've been making some bank with all the battles I've won. Let's go splurge a bit, my treat!"

"Best boyfriend ever." The two dazed girls cheered as they walked to the Celadon shopping district.

"So you've mentioned many times." Ash grinned, his ego more than a little inflated at their praise.

A few hours, and several thousand Poke later, Ash and the girls were leaving the shopping market as a salesperson called out to him from a perfume shop. "No thanks, not a big fan of perfume." He shook his head and ignored the sales chick's indignant and outraged gasp. "Come on girls, lets drop off the purchases and hit the gym." He told his girlfriends as they walked back to the center and up to the room they shared inside. The girls changing into one of their new purchases while he picked his team.

"We're reaaaady." The girls called out, exiting the bathroom in skimpy kimonos as Ash had to remind himself they were here for a gym battle, not other types of fun.

-One walk full slack jawed passersby later-

"What do you mean I'm not allowed in?" he snarled as two gym attendants stood out front to bar his entry.

"You insulted our perfume brat." The one on the right snarled.

"We make that perfume you insulted here at the Gym, so _you_ aren't allowed in." the one on the left sneered.

Before he could do anything, Amy and Giselle placed hands on his shoulder, "Give us a moment honey." Amy growled out.

"We'll handle this." Giselle cracked her knuckles before shoving the two attendants inside. After a few minutes full of sounds of intense violence, the door opened to reveal the attendants knocked out while Ash's girlfriends didn't look even remotely ruffled.

"…Well that's hot." He grinned as the girls smirked and kissed his cheeks and they walked inside. Getting to the door to the main battle room he kicked it open, the metal warping. "Must be some poor craftsmanship." He frowned, not noticing Amy flick the metal and share a look with Giselle. "Oi!" he yelled as the gym leader and the rest of her aides turned to him, "Despite those idiots you had out front trying to stop me I'm here for a gym battle."

"He's the boy who insulted our perfume!" one aide yelled and pointed.

"I said I wasn't a fan of perfume in general you twit." He snapped, before glaring at an unamused gym leader "Go Kingler!" his shiny crab got sent out as did the gym leader's weepinbell. "Use bubble!"

"Weepinbell is unable to battle! Gym Leader Erika, send out your second Pokémon!"

"Tangela!"

"Poliwrath, use water gun!"

"Tangela is unable to battle! Gym Leader Erika, send out your final Pokémon!"

"Vileplume!"

"Gyarados, use splash!"

"Vileplume is unable to battle! Ash Ketchum from pallet town is the winner!"

"Are you kidding me?!" Erika cried out in frustration even as Ash got glomped by his beauties.

-Gary_Ponce . exe the third-

Seeing the orangette leave the city for something, Gary rushed to the gym. He had challenged her over eight times and lost each one. Seeing the other three sisters still there he challenged, Daisy to a gym battle.

"Go Goldeen!" the blonde called out.

"Nidorino, use thunderbolt!" he ordered, having paid for the TM with the family money as his poison Pokémon kept zapping the water until the fish Pokémon was unconscious. "I finally got my badge!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Get ready Ash, I'm catching up."

-Ash the Mighty! Wooer of women! Winner of badges!-

"Ash," looking up, the trainer from Pallet town saw his girlfriends looking at him seriously as they made camp in the woods "Amy and I have something important to tell you."

"What is it?" he asked, outwardly calm but inwardly freaking out. 'Don't be pregnant. Don't be pregnant. Don't be pregnant' he thought frantically.

"We weren't completely honest with you about who we are." With a flash, his girlfriends were gone, and in their place was a shiny Arceus and Giratina.

…confused squeak.

"Your ass is still ours though." Arceus told him as they turned back into Amy and Giselle.

CONFUSED SQUEAK!


	2. Chapter 2

Ooooooooh, Shiny

Kanto: Part the second

-Gary the twit-

"Yes!" Gary yelled, pumping the air and dancing a happy jig. His dugtrio, barely conscious, returning to its Pokéball as Lt. Surge's unconscious Plusle is picked up by the dumb ex-soldier. "I won! Ha!"

"Kid, you've battled me every day for the past month and a half and lost every time before now." The giant oaf deadpans.

"Shut up!" Gary growled, trying to get up in Lt. Surge's face and managing to reach…the man's belly button.

"Here's your badge," Surge shoved the badge into Gary's forehead as the Oak heir was shoved onto his ass "now beat it!"

"You'll regret treating me like this!" Gary snarled, picking his badge up out of the dirt and placing it lovingly beside his two other shiny badges in their case, having made sure to polish them every night. "Nobody gets away with treating an Oak like this!" Gary yelped as the Lieutenant picked him up by the scruff of his neck.

"Brat, shut the hell up already." Surge grunted, kicking open the doors to the gym, "And get lost!" with a swing, the giant gorilla threw Gary out of the building and into a puddle of mud, the gym badges falling out of the still open case.

"My badges!" Gary panicked, scrambling in the mud for the three badges he had fought and bled for, the badges he had _rightfully_ earned. "Get ready Ash," Gary spat out a wad of mud as he found the boulder badge "soon you'll see who the real master trainer of our generation is!"

-Ash-

Face set in a lazy shit eating grin, Ash lay sprawled on a beach, sandwiched between his girlfriends who were still dazed from the night before. After beating Erika he had decided to take a little break, heading to Porta Vista. Cocktails, beaches, playing with his Pokémon, and enjoying dating hot sisters in an area where bikinis are the standard attire had made for a very enjoyable month.

"Think we should get back to the gym circuit soon?" Amy asked, slightly cross eyed as Ash put sun tan lotion on her. After the two 'came out', he had decided he needed a break to relax and figure out where the three of them stood. After that first night though it was admittedly more relaxing than figuring things out. Ash got a wider grin, those two were _very_ convincing.

"I miss seeing you kick all kinds of ass." Giselle began rubbing his chest as she kissed his neck, pressed against his back.

"Hmmmmm, I don't know." Ash grin and gave a squeeze "Why don't you girls convince me?"

"Gladly." The twins pounced on him.

-Giovanni-

"This trainer has caught the shiny versions of all Pokémon from every route he's travelled through." The commander of team Rocket looked at his executives seriously. "You are to either recruit him or take those shinnies. With his Pokédex you can access his account on the transfer system."

"Sir!" the four executives salute.

"How do you want me to handle recruitment?" Ariana asked.

"Do you want me to leave him able to continue once I rob him?" Archie asked. Proton and Petrel just cackled eagerly.

"Figure it out!" Giovanni snapped as the four yelped and scrambled away. "I swear, it's like I have to work with toddlers. At least they'll bring me a fine prize either way. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!" the mob boss of Kanto didn't notice his Persian rolling her eyes.

-Ash Mark-2-

Whistling cheerfully, Ash carried the twenty-foot-tall stack of bags in his arms as Amy and Giselle wrapped their arms around him. "You spoil us Ash." Giselle purred as she nuzzled his neck, wearing some of the new clothes he had bought her with his excessive winnings.

"You girls defiantly make spoiling worth it." Ash grinned as he remembered the various fun they had included along with modeling their new clothes for him.

"Flatterer." Amy strutted, ignoring the gaping stares the trio got.

"Shall we go to the gym ladies?" Ash glanced down and enjoyed the twin views.

"Not just yet Ash." Amy gave him a teasing smirk.

"We have a tradition to keep up after all." Giselle added as the girls drug him to the Pokémon center where they got a room, the local Nurse Joy waving at him as they went inside. A few minutes later, the girls walked out in skimpy teacher costumes.

"We're reaaaady!" the girls sung together as they linked arms with him.

"Fuck yeah I love my life." Ash grinned.

-Gary the twat-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Gary screamed as he ran from the angry Tauros that was chasing him. "HOW DARE YOU TREAT AN OAK LIKE THIIIIIIIIIS!"

"MOOOOOOOOO!" The Tauros continued attempting to gore him.

"WARTORTLE!"

WHAP!

"NIDOKING!"

STOMP!

"DUGTRIO!"

TRAMPLE!

"HEEEEEEEEEEELP!" Gary kept running as the Tauros knocked aside the rest of his Pokémon. He had found the wild Pokémon and decided to add it to his team but instead of being honored, like the damn thing should have been, it took offense to him! "I HATE MY LIFE!"

-Ash, Mark-Twain-

Strutting into the gym, Ash and the girls ignored the hordes of sweaty psychics trying to bend their spoons until one of them approached. "Who dares enter this gym?!" the man boomed, trying to be intimidating.

"A trainer." Ash deadpanned as the man brandished the breakfast spoon in his face.

"Pah!" the psychic wearing what looked like hospital scrubs and a medical face mask scoffed, "Pokémon battles. Here we train in true power! Psychic Power! BEHOLD!" the man grunted and glared at the spoon as it glowed faintly before bending a centimeter.

"Yeah, yeah, you're spoopy." Ash rolled his eyes and pinched his pointer finger and thumb together as the spool glowed like a lightbulb and got crushed down to the size of a tick tack "Now, I have a battle to win. Go on, shoo!"

"YIPE!" the various psychic students scrambled away in fear at the effortless display of power.

"…Not even surprised anymore." Amy sighed after a moment.

"Not even a bit." Giselle agreed.

"Let's win this!" Ash cheered and flicked his finger at the double doors, psychic power knocking them open as he saw the gym leader Sabrina sitting on a throne with a tiny version of herself sitting on her lap.

"Hello." The tiny version tilted its head and gave a creepy smile while the big one sat blank.

"Hi!" Ash grinned, "I'm here for a battle. Go Primeape!"

"You're silly!" the tiny Sabrina giggled as she tossed out a Pokéball to reveal an Alakazam "Mr. Spoony, let's play!"

"Karate Chop!"

"Zam!" a now very dizzy Alakazam falls to the ground with swirly eyes and headache to end all headaches.

"Booooo!" tiny Sabrina pouted, "That was too quick!"

"That's the only thing he does that's quick." Giselle muttered to Amy as his ego swelled a bit.

"You need therapy." Ash walked over and poked the big Sabrina "Boop." The little Sabrina faded away as the big one looked about in panicked confusion.

"WHO?! WHAT?! WHEN?! WHERE?! WHY?! HOW?!"

"Hi." Ash just waved cheerfully.

-Archie: theft attempt-

Watching a dazed and bedraggled Sabrina see off his target and the target's girlfriends, Archie observed them. Smirking, he pulled out a switch and pressed it as a wired vehicle malfunctioned and crashed, severely blocking the main route back to the Pokémon center and causing every emergency responder in the city to rush to the accident.

"Just like I planned!" Archie snickered to himself as the target was forced to take an alternative route back to the center through the seedier parts of town. Waiting till they were in the worst part of town before he sent out his Wheezing, Golbat, and Houndoom. "Get him!" he yelled, charging as he debated what sort of fun he could have with the two girls after he knocks out the trainer and tacks his dex and balls.

"Pika!" a tiny Pikachu blasts out with lightning, sending Golbat into Houndoom, Houndoom into wheezing, wheezing into himself, himself through a brick wall and into an abandoned building, and then igniting Wheezing's gasses.

"Meep." Archie gulped before the building went boom and he was sent skyward, landing with a boom in the Kanto maximum security prison. "Ooooooooow."

-Bruno-

"That's my boy!" Bruno cheered, pumping his fists in the air as he watched the T.V., his wife off gloating to the neighbors about how much ass their Ash was kicking. Currently he was watching a news feed from Saffron where his son had beaten their gym leader, broken her gym leader out of a psychic breakdown mental state, captured a team rocket executive, then helped fix a major accident with damage. After being given the key to the City he saw his boy get kisses from Miss Kanto, Sabrina, and the lead officer Jenny of Saffron only for the two girls traveling with his son to give him more as if to one up them.

"THAT'S! MY! BOY!" Bruno cheered with a booming laugh, pulling out his phone to call up Lance. "You see that news fool?! That's my boy! WOOOOOOO!"

"Honey, I'm home!" Delia walked in with a smile, "What's got you so excited?" rewinding the news, he showed her what he had just seen. "THAT'S! MY! BOY!" Delia threw back her head to cheer.

-Ash, -

Giving a loud grunt, Ash headbutted through another wall as he worked his way to the heart of the Fuschia city gym. Behind him, his girlfriends followed in skimpy Kunoichi costumes that he would be _thoroughly_ enjoying later. "How's it coming honey?"

"I think I'm almost there!" he called back, catching the thrown kunai lazily, throwing it into a wall as he broke down the next one.

"Let us know if you need a break dear!" Amy called out. Boom! The last wall broke away to reveal a battle room, "Never mind."

"Now where's Koga?" Ash grunted, rubbing the rubble and dust off his face and hair.

"Who dares break into my gym?" Koga's voice seemingly comes from nowhere…or it seemed to before Ash threw one of the Kunai he had caught at the source and the ninja gym leader yelped and fell to the floor from the ceiling.

"That would be our boyfriend." Amy filed her nails as Koga got to his feet angrily.

"A trainer here to challenge your gym." Ash grinned, "And next time, don't make trainers walk through your little playground."

"You destroyed my gym!" Koga snapped angrily.

"Your gym tried to stab me." Ash glared, "And more importantly tried to stab my girlfriends!" Scowling, Koga sends out a Venamoth, an Ariados, a Crobat, a Muk, a wheezing, and an Arbok. "Raticate!" Ash beamed as he sent out his top percentage Raticate.

"…That's it?" Koga gaped before laughing…and laughing…and laughing.

"Quick attack."

"Cate!" Zoom! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Koga gapes at his six Pokémon embedded in the walls before crying…and crying…and crying.

"Woot!" Ash cheered as he plucked a gym badge from a platform as the asshole ninja keeps crying.

"Our hero." Amy drapes herself on his right side.

"You saved us from the mean man." Giselle pressed against his left side and the girls began kissing his neck and face as he walked off, arms around their waists.

"Yeeeaaaaaaaah." Ash grinned, eyes glazing slightly as he and the girls walked back to the center.

-Gary the dickless dick-

Eyes wide and wild, Gary limped into Celadon. His clothes were ripped, his bag almost empty of food, and his team all unconscious in their balls. Grunting rather than speaking, Gary limped into the center and the Nurse, after an initial grimace, sent him to go get showered in a room and took his Pokémon, fussing over the useless lumps.

Once cleaned, but back in his last pair of dirty and ripped clothes, Gary limped down to the galley and wolfed down the free food for trainers, ignoring being called up for his team as he focused on filling his gullet. Half an hour later he took the balls from the glaring nurse, the pink airhead ranting about him not coming when called or something, in all honesty Gary had tuned her out as soon as she started yammering.

Getting to the video phones, Gary punched in the number for the Oak Lab. "Coming!" the old man's voice shouted from off screen as the call connected. "Hello Gary- HOLY ARCEUS WHAT HAPPENED?!" Old Man Oak walked into view only for papers to go flying as his grandpa grabbed the video phone.

"…Tauros." Gary grumbled, looking away from the screen.

"A Tauros attacked you?" the professor gaped, "Did you report a wild Pokémon attacking trainers? And why did it attack you?"

"Because it was dumb." Gary crossed his eyes and sulked, any Pokémon that didn't want to be trained by Gary Oak had to be stupid.

"Well why haven't you changed into clothes that aren't torn apart?"

"…These are the last set I have."

"Why haven't you used your battle winnings to get more?"

"…I haven't won since I beat Surge."

"…You need money don't you?"

"…Yes."

"Damnit Gary."

-Ariana: Seduction attempt one-

Glancing at her phone, Ariana checked the image of her target to make sure she was going after the right one. Positive, Ariana smirked and slipped into her room on the cruise ship to Cinnabar Island, having hacked the system to make sure her target got the room across from her. Going through her wardrobe, she changed into the flimsiest bikini that would be allowed on the ship and covered herself with a robe. She had studied her target intently and knew he was likely to head up to the pool with the two girls he travelled with.

Heading topside, Ariana sauntered over to a deck chair and laid down, sliding her robe off her shoulders so it hung off her, exposing smooth skin and a tight bikini. Ariana saw dozens of eyes lock on her and she let a small smirk adorn her face. She saw two husbands get slapped by their wives, at least a half dozen teenagers, and a waiter stumble and drop his tray. Her target…why the fuck wasn't he looking damnit?!

Her target in question was rubbing suntan lotion on the girls he travelled with, focused on only that. Eyes narrowed, Ariana sauntered over, hips swaying. "Hey there," she smiled at her target, leaning forward to give him a more than generous view of cleavage "think you can help me with my suntan lotion too?"

"Huh?" the trainer looked up in confusion as his hands still worked the lotion into the girls, said sisters looking at her with narrowed eyes.

"I'm here by myself," she let a little pout on her lips as she shifted, "And I need some help getting the lotion on. You did such a good job with these girls I'm sure you could help a woman out."

-One hour later-

Screaming into her hands, Ariana lay on her bed. Ketchum was oblivious as a brick! She couldn't just outright throw herself at him and start kissing him like the girls had apparently done to earn his attention. He was already dating a pair of sisters so she had to be overt and careful so as not to just cause strife, but the damn shiny magnet just wouldn't take a hint! "Mark my words Ketchum, I will win!"

-One week later-

"Later Ariana!" her target waved as he got off the ship, "Good luck with your business trip!"

"By Ash!" Ariana waved, screaming inside in sheer frustration. The bikini plan had failed.

Wearing a dress with a plunging neckline at dinners? Failed.

Asking the Ash for a massage after she had 'hurt her back'? Failed.

Asking Ash for his opinion as she modeled different clothes? Failed. Plan, after plan, after plan! Ash Ketchum just never got the hint!

"You were a worthy adversary." Amy, one of the sisters her target was dating, nodded to her.

"But seduction doesn't really work when we can keep him sated." Giselle smirked.

"We appreciated your sportsmanship though." Amy nodded.

"So thanks." Giselle waved goodbye as the sisters caught back up with their boyfriend.

"This isn't over." Ariana hissed, gripping the railing, "I will win!"

-Ash, he of the six badges-

"…This is some Tauros shit." Ash scowled as he looked at the burnt-out wreckage of the Cinnabar gym.

"Old Blaine gave up om this town." An old noodle cart owner sighed sadly, having shown them to where the old gym, "Burnt it down and walked off one day."

"He's still collecting paychecks as Cinnabar gym leader from the league." Ash scowled, having always taken pride in his dad's job with the league and hating someone screwing over that league.

"…Ash's pissed." Amy saw his expression.

"…Angry Ash is hot." Giselle nodded.

"Well if that's true and you find Blaine then give him a good kick in the arse for old Betty!" the noddle cart owner nodded, pushing their cart off to continue selling food to tourists.

"Well girls, let's explore town." Ash clapped his hands together, "We have tourists traps to set off and a piece of shit to get a badge from."

-Proton and Petrel: Theft att…um…ambush at…attempt, just attempt-

Cackling, Petrel slipped back into the abandoned manor and took off his Blaine disguise. "Did you do it?" Proton asked eagerly, rubbing his hands together maniacally.

"Of course!" Petrel grinned and brought out the team of Pokémon they had stolen from Archie's personal reserves after their fellow executive got arrested.

"Do you remember the plan?"

"Of course I remember the plan! How dare you suggest I don't remember the plan! What sort of fool do you take me for who wouldn't remember the plan?!...Do… _you_ remember the plan?"

"Just listen dumbass. So you walk around town dressed up as Blaine, right?"

"Right."

"Word spreads right?"

"Right."

"The target hears the rumors and comes looking right?"

"Right!"

"He shows up to the old manor, right?"

"Right!"

"And we let out all the Pokémon we got from Archie's reserve and become Giovanni's new right hands!"

"RIGHT!"

Loud cracking fills the air as Proton and Petrel turned to see their target and his girlfriends standing in the door, earlier than expected, and cracking their knuckles.

"Meep?" Petrel gulped.

"Meep." Proton nodded.

-Ash the Mighty-

-Many sounds of violence later-

Whistling cheerfully, Ash drug the two rockets into the police office by their ankles. "Heyoooooooo!"

"Hello Ketchum."

"Sup." He grinned, dumping Proton onto the desk head first.

"More Rocket executives?" Jenny noted, smacking her gum as she began filing the paperwork.

"Yup." Ash's teeth sparkled as Petrel joined his buddy on the desk.

"Let me know if you find Blaine, he's wanted for tax evasion."

"Of course he is."

-Gare-Bear-

"You can do this Gary." Garry muttered as he stalked towards the gym, plan firmly in place for dealing with Erika. Getting to the gym and ignoring the weird foot shaped dents in the door, Gary walked inside. "I'm Gary Oak, and I'm here for a gym battle." He held his head high, waiting for the women to gasp in awe of his magnificence.

"Whatever." An aide rolled their eyes and led him to a large battle room full of plants.

"She probably just doesn't like men." Gary deduced with his peerless and calculating mine…translate lied to himself to ease his poor bruised ego.

"Yo, Erika." The highly uncouth Kimono girl wearing a food stained uniform shouted as they entered the battle room where the gym leader and her refined Kimono girls were waiting.

"Gary Oak, I have heard of you." Erika stared at him, confidence in her face as she pulled out a Pokéball. "Are you prepared?"

"Bring it!" Gary let out his battle cry and sent out a Flareon as Erika sent out a gloom.

"Vine whip." Erika called out lazily.

"Set the field on fire!" Gary called to the fire type eeveelution which was immune to being hurt by fire.

"What?!" Erika yelled as her grassy field was set ablaze and quickly knocked out her gloom.

"Gym leader Erika, send out your next Pokémon." The ref called.

"But the field's on fire!" the gym leader protested hotly.

"League rules do not allow for that to be a deterrent." The ref responded coolly as Gary remember seeing someone in the Indigo Conference the year before have to forfeit when they only had a fire type which couldn't swim, and the ice field had melted to water.

"But…but…!" Erika protested as the field continued to burn.

"Gym leader Erika has refused to send out her next Pokémon, by league rules the Gym forfeits, and the visiting trainer wins the badge." The ref raises his flag as Gary cheered, a gym battle _finally_ going how it was supposed to.

-Blaine the fool-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" the old fire trainer screamed, running into his Volcano lair…gym…fine, it's a lair.

"Get back here you old pervert!" Lorelei screamed, the elite four and the fucking champion having shown up when some kid arrived to battle him.

"I'm not a pervert!" he protested as he tried to get to his safe place. Looking at pictures was completely natural, and they could prove nothing!

"You made the secret entrance to your gym in the women's side of the hot springs!"

"…That proves nothing!"

"Kick his ass Ash!" a blonde girl travelling with the new trainer shouted, she and her sister wearing enticingly skimpy scientist outfits.

"He looked up our skirts!" said sister shouted in agreement.

"WHAT?!" 'Ash' roared, "Gyarados, sick him!" a loud roar filled the volcano as a titanic Gyarados began barreling towards him, ripping open the tunnel as he finally got to his gym platform as the eight people burst in behind him. "I came for a badge but now I'll kick your ass old man!" the kid next to Bruno looked pissed as he stood on the shiny Gyarados.

"Kick his ass son." Bruno shouted, "I'll be here with my future daughters' in law." The other elite four and champion cheered.

"You want a battle?" Blaine smirked at the chance to take down the cocky little shit, knowing the field wasn't big enough for that giant brute Gyarados. "Rhydon, Ninetails, Magmar!"

"That's not even a fire type!" Bruno complained before the kid sent out the same Pokémon…only bigger…and shiny.

"HOW DO YOU HAVE A SHINY NINETIALS?!" Blaine had spent thirty years looking for one damnit!

"Woke up to find her as a shiny Vulpix napping on my belly." Ash laughed happily as the Ninetails trilled smugly. "Now you lot, this old bastard has been cheating the league Dad works for, has committed tax evasion, and LOOKED UP THE GIRLS' SKIRTS!" the smug shinnies are now _angry_ shinnies.

"Meep." Blaine gulps.

Shiny Rhydon roars and charges, picking up his Rhydon and supplexing him into the floor.

Shiny Ninetails charged a giant ball of energy before swallowing it and breathing a laser that blasted his Ninetails into a wall.

Shiny Magmar grabbed his magmar's tail and began swinging him repeatedly into the ground.

"Winner!" Lance declared eagerly, grabbing the kid's wrist and holding it aloft.

"Now come on pervert, prison time for you." The kid grabbed his ankle and pulled as Blaine hit the ground, bouncing as he was drug out of his volcano, into town, and to the police station. Blaine cried tears as the locals jeered at him and threw rotten cabbages. What did he do to deserve this?!

-Ariana: attempt the second-

Seeing her target dragging the Gym Leader Blaine off to prison, where he had already deposited Proton and Petrel, Ariana began formulating a new plan. Seeing all the elite four, apart from Bruno, and the champion leave the island she followed the group into the police office. "Hello Ash." She smiled seductively at him, giving the sisters a nod of grudging respect.

"Ariana!" Ash ran over and hugged her happily, actually lifting her off the ground. The Sisters, coming over to shake her hand, "It's good to see you. I won m seventh badge." He showed off the badges with a grin, "And I caught this old pervert." He gave a kick to Blaine who was covered in bumps, bruises, and rotten cabbage as the police began dragging him off.

"That's great Ash." She smiled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek and leaving a bright cheery red kiss mark, "A hero's reward." She teased, smirking at the sisters who narrowed their eyes at the challenge. "But who will be the city's gym leader now?" this was directed in part to Ash but also in part to Bruno, knowing that information early would be a good thing for her boss.

"You could do it." Ash looked like he had gotten the best idea of all time, "I saw you battle on the cruise and you're awesome!"

"Lance did leave me in charge of finding a new Gym Leader." Bruno mused, "Impress me with some battles and you can have the job." Apparently Ash's opinion was most of the resume she needed with this guy.

"Battle?" a cop looked up like an excited five-year-old.

"Battle!" the call began to echo throughout the precinct as everyone, but the main Jenny began cheering for a battle like a bunch of toddlers.

"I'll battel you." Said main Jenny offers, sending out a pair of Growlithe.

"Go Salazzle, Seviper!" she sent out her two favorite Pokémon who nuzzled Ash happily, her target having managed to bond with them on the cruise ship. "Girls, we win impress Ash's dad we get made Gym leader."

"Begin!" said dad called. Instantly, Seviper shot towards Growlithe one, dancing around and striking with poison tails. Salazzle used trickery and poison to take out Growlithe two. It was over in under a minute as Jenny was left gaping while Ash and the sisters cheered her on. It…admittedly felt good to see the trio rooting for her.

"I think I've seen enough." Bruno laughed, giving her a thumb's up and his teeth sparkling, Ash standing by his dad to copy the stance, "Welcome to the league Gym leader."

"Tonight, we all celebrate." Amy promised her, "Tomorrow, the three of us are off to Viridian for Ash's last badge."

"Hoorah!"

-Giovanni-

"…You what?"

"I became the Gym Leader of Cinnabar Island." Ariana looked sheepish as she video called him, "Ash Ketchum vouched for me to his father Bruno and I beat the lead Jenny of the island in a battle to get the title."

"Ash?" he raised a demanding eyebrow at his only remaining executive to stay out of prison.

"The Target." She flushed, "He's heading to battle you next." A loud noise came from off screen, "Shit, I have to go keep these construction morons in line. I'll report later boss!" she ran off before he could question her about the target coming to battle him.

"You come to face me then boy?" Giovanni stood tall, "I won't let you take my organization down. Prepare to be destroyed! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" behind him, Persian huffed and rolled her eyes.

-Ash, luckiest friggin man alive-

Strutting through Viridian, Ash waved to his fans and signed autographs, reporters pleading for an interview from the man who caught every non legendary type of shiny native to Kanto in under a year. Behind him, his girlfriends were, for some reason, dressed in skimpy thirties era mafia flapper dresses. They were hot, he just didn't get what Mafia had to do with the Viridian Gym.

Stepping up to the building he saw…two men carrying pikes in ancient centurion armor…ooooooooookay then. "Halt!" guard-goyle one grunted out.

"None may pass without seven badges." Grunt the second added.

Pulling out his badges, he showed them off "You two can count to seven right?" they ignored the jab and began carefully inspecting each bad for forgery before _finally_ stepping aside. Or so he thought.

"Only the trainer may pass." Guard-Goyle glared down at Amy and Giselle.

"You must leave." Grunt the second piped in, grabbing Amy's arm.

"AiiiiiAhahahahouy!" Guard-Goyle screamed as Ash gave a solid uppercut and sent him flying up and onto the roof.

"Aaaiiiiiieeeeee!" Grunt the Second yelled when Ash kicked him and sent him pinballing between the walls of two buildings before landing in a full dumpster.

"Hoorah." Ash smirked as the crowd cheered at the spectacle, the doors opening to let him and the girls in before closing behind them.

"You've finally arrived," an ominous voice spoke from a balcony as Ash entered the shadowy arena, "Ash Ketchum. I've heard a great many tails of your exploits throughout my region. Now you at last come to me. Are you prepared to face the might of the strongest trainer in Kanto?"

"Are you?" Ash grinned, looking at his happy yellow starter, "You ready to show off buddy?"

"Pika!" the yellow moues jumped sparking to the arena.

"You've failed to do your homework fool!" Giovanni let out a booming laugh, "This is a _ground_ Gym! Go forth, Nidoking!"

"You know, I'm kinda in a rush," Ash yawned at the giant roaring purple Pokémon "Mom's making a big celebration dinner for us tonight once I get my eighth badge. Why don't you just send out your whole team and I'll take em out together."

"You'll pay for underestimating me boy." Giovanni sent out a Garchomp, a Gliscor, a Golurk, steelix, and a swampert.

"Ready to test out that new move buddy?" Ash grinned at his starter.

"Pika!" the yellow mouse nodded eagerly before they both began glowing with raw energy.

"What-" Amy gaped.

"The-" Giselle gasped.

"Fuck?!" Giovanni yelped.

"Stronger than a thunderbolt," Ash laughed, "ten-million-volt thunderbolt!"

"Pika…Pika!...PIKA!" the multicolored bolts of lightning ripped through the air and blasted the six Pokémon, sending them crashing into the ground and each making their own little craters forming a perfect smiley face.

"You…you won." Giovanni dropped to his knees up on the balcony. "I yield, I cannot face my men after being defeated so soundly. As of this moment, I disband team rocket, you win."

"Wait, I thought you were just a gym leader." Ash and Pikachu gave matching confused head tilts, "You're in team rocket?"

"…Nooooooooooooooooooooooo."


	3. Chapter 3

Oooooooh, Shiny

Part the third: A Simple training trip

-Ash: The Pride of Pallet-

"THAT'S! MY! BOY!" Ash's dad cheered excitedly as all of pallet was at the Oak Ranch for a celebration of Ash setting regional records for the speed in which he got his badges, having never lost a battle since becoming a trainer, catching every Kanto Native Pokémon in just their shiny forms, even the legendary birds which he had found on his way back to Pallet after winning his last badge, and finally catching the corrupt criminal gym leaders Blaine and Giovanni.

At his side were Amy ang Giselle who looked frazzled after having spent the last hour along with his mother as she decided to 'interview' them to make sure she approved. They had passed but he could tell they were likely terrified of the Ketchum family Housewife. Momma Ketchum was currently off gloating to every other mother from the town about his achievements.

"Thanks dad." Ash laughed, "But now I have to figure out what to do while I wait for the Indigo League."

"I might be able to help you out with that Ash." Professor Oak walked over, the man having been in a euphoria high every time Ash saw him given all the shinnies the man got to study. "I have a friend down in the Orange Islands who found something interesting and I wanted to know if you could head down there to retrieve it for me."

"Hey Babe, don't the Orange Islands have their own smaller league?" Amy asked.

"You could do that as well to kill time before winning the Indigo League." Giselle offered as well.

"Ash do you really think you'll have time to…oh who am I kidding, you'll probably beat their champion within a weak." The professor sighed, "Just get me the GS ball and I don't care what you do."

"Yo Prof, how's Gary been doing anyway? I haven't seen him since I got Pikachu." Ash asked as he began scarfing down the table of food that was reserved just for him.

"He's…beaten Erika." The old researcher said slowly.

"Good for him." Ash smiled innocently at the old man, "I can't wait to face him in the league."

"The League…right." Professor Oak seemed to deflate, not that Ash noticed as his focus was now on the far more important thing that was Momma Ketchum's Cooking.

-Gare-Bear-

Eyes wide, Gary Oak ran like the wind to escape from Fuschia City and its Loan Shark ring. He had finally gotten down to the town after trouncing that airhead Erika and used all the money he had won for Safari Zone entry passes and Safari balls…and caught nothing. Every one of those stupid Pokémon refused to stay in their damn ball! None of them knew their place!

So he had called the Old Man to ask for money to go to the Safari Zone, but that stupid old professor had refused! Told him to focus on 'training the team he had' and 'working on his technique'. Bah! He had lost so many times because the Pokémon he was saddled with were useless, not him!

So he had gone to the Load Sharks of the Region, knowing if he caught some useful Pokémon he could win a bunch of battles and be swimming in money!...Except he didn't catch anything…again…and was now several thousand Poke in debt to the Loan Shark group.

Finally getting out of the Village, Gary collapsed to the ground. He needed to find some trainers to beat and fast. But who? Looking around, Gary saw a group of Pre-School trainers with their little baby Pokémon. Easy enough…right?

-Ash: Island Variant-

"Yo! Professor Ivy! Anybody home!" Ash yelled as he and the girls entered the research lab, having flown over on a private helicopter he now owned, having gotten a lot of the private holdings from Giovanni after having the leader of the multi region mafia arrested…plus he was loaded after having never lost a battle.

"Who?"

"Are?"

"You?" a group of what looked like sisters popped up from a trapdoor in the floor, all tilting their heads at him.

"I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, I came to pick up something for Professor Oak from a Professor Ivy." Ash grinned, not phased at all at the sight of people using trapdoors because why should he be? Trapdoors were awesome and therefor there's no reason not to use them.

"She's at the beach." One of the glasses wearing girls he guessed were assistants said as all three popped out of their hole and set out.

"Come on." A second picked up. Getting down, they saw the water of the ocean bubble before a large Gyarados surfaced, launching a woman in a swimsuit who leapt from the push and caught a thrown lab coat in midair, putting it on before landing on the sand. Quickly, Ash held up a sign with a nine, the girls holding up their own score cards with Amy showing a nine as well and Giselle and eight.

"What?" the woman he guessed was Professor Ivy pouted, "Only Nines and an Eight?"

"You didn't do a flip." Ash and his girlfriends answered in perfect Sync, all smiling innocently.

"Everyone's a critic." Ivy sulked before looking at them again, "Ah, you're the Shiny King. I'm guessing Sam sent you for the GS ball?"

"Sam?" Ash tilted his head.

"Shiny King?" Amy asked.

"GS Ball?" Giselle quirked an eyebrow.

"Professor Oak, that's the new title the tabloids have given you, and that's the item that he sent you to collect for research." Ivy elaborated without missing a beat. "One moment and I'll get it." Flexing her fingers, Ivy reached into the mystical magical pocket storage space all women apparently had in their bras and bikinis as she began rummaging around. "No. No. Not that. So that's where my lunch went. I thought I lost that a month ago. Aha!" with a grunt, she pulled out a pokeball from her cleavage with a pop. The bottom was the usual white while the top was shiny gold with two symbols looking like a 'g' and an 's' were shown. "There you go Oh Great Shiny Guru. One GS ball, and tell Sam that he can drag his sorry old ass down here himself next time and stop avoiding me!"

"He's avoiding you?" Ash tilted his head as he took the GS ball and handed it to Amy who placed it into _her_ mystical magical cleavage pocket space of wonder.

"The Regional Professors all like to meet up for yearly Poker and those boys always end up crawling home broke and down to their skivvies." Ivy looked extremely proud of herself at that comment as she buffed her nails on her coat. "Sam owes me money from the last game and has been avoiding me since then."

"You could just go to him." Giselle pointed out.

"But that takes away the fun of making him squirm." Professor Ivy mock Whined before laughing happily, "Now come on. I know a great delivery place on the island. I'll pay for lunch if I get to see those shinnies!"

"Free food? Deal!" Ash grinned as the group all went back inside.

-Gary: Ninja Twat, Ninja twat, fails at whatever a real ninja does-

Crawling over a pile of rubble at a broken wall, Gary sobbed as he finally reached the Gym Arena for the Fuschia city gym. He had tried battling those preschoolers earlier and lost…every time. He managed to slip into town and got his team treated by the nurse joy and then snuck over to the gym without being found by the Loan Sharks. Now though he had a bunch of Kunai sticking into places that sharp pointy knives shouldn't be! But he made it! Nobody could call Gary Oak a quitter!

"Who has entered my Gym?" a voice speaks up from the Shadows as Gary sees a man in ninja garb step out.

"I…am…Gary Oak!" Gary tried to climb to his feet even with the throwing knives sticking out of his ass.

"Oh, it's just you." The ominous shadows went away, and the Gym leader went from looking mysterious to looking bored, "Alright, let's get this over with. I've had a long day dealing with insurance and want to just beat you so I can go to bed."

Your gym stabbed me!" Gary snapped, irritated at this little tidbit being overlooked.

"There was a waiver notice at the entrance to the Gym that this Gym was also a training ground for the Shinobi arts and that trainers would enter at their own risk and by entering you accepted said risk." Koga spoke up, pointing at a copy of said notice which was looking extremely new on the man's wall.

"Go, Blastoise!" Gary sent out his started which had finally evolved into its final form!...Granted it only evolved during an argument _with_ Gary…and he got hydro pumped…but the stupid turtle still evolved!

"Weedle." Koga yawned.

"Weedle!" the stupid little worm cheered and wiggled.

"This will be a one on one battle with no substitutions or items." Koga yawned as another trainer, this one being a hot babe in a Ninja outfit that Gary would happily take out on a date once he won, gave that declaration and acted as a ref, "Begin!"

"Weedle, shadows then poison sting." Koga yawned as the tiny bug ninja vanish in a cloud of smoke before poison sting strikes kept shooting out from random shadows on the battlefield till his Blastoise was poisoned.

"Fight back you stupid turtle! Water gun or something!" Gary snapped only to get hit in the face by said attack. "Not me the bug!"

"Blast…oise!" the giant turtle flopped onto its shell and stuck out its tongue.

"Blastoise is unable to battle, Koga is the winner!" the ninja babe announced, "Now get out and let us go to sleep!" one boot to the ass later and Gary was flying through their doors and into a puddle of mud.

"You'll regret this." Gary snarled, pushing himself to his feet with THE STUPID KNIVES STILL IN HIS ASS! "Both of you will! You'll rue the day you insulted Gary Oak! Future Champion of Kanto!"

"Hey, there's the little shit who owes us money! Get 'im boys!" a voice called out from nearby as Gary recognized the voice of one of the loan sharks.

"Oh shit, got to go!"

-Ash: No, you don't need a dramatic title EVERY transition-

"There we go Mr. Ketchum." The local Nurse joy smiled as she finished entering his information into a computer system, "You're all registered to attempt the Orange Crew Challenge. I wish you luck and hope to see you in a championship battle."

"Thanks!" Ash smiled as he waved to the nurse Joy, walking down to the beach to just use one of his Pokémon to get to his first Island Challenge on Mikan Island. Down at the Beach, Ash saw a group of three trainers beating up a baby Lapras with a bunch of sticks. "Hey, assholes!" Ash digivolves into Angry Ash! "Pick on someone your own size!"

"Beat it twerp!" one of the thugs scoffed, "This here is _our_ Lapras and we can do whatever we want with it! We're gonna use it to beat da Orange Crew!"

"Lapras, attack!" Ash sent out his own shiny Lapras who began beating the thugs mercilessly, having been trained to become a devastating psychic warrior when Ash and the girls took a side trip and met Santa Clause and save Christmas, the Lapras of the North Pole having mentored Ash's own while that was where Ash caught his Shiny Jynx. Once the thugs were encased in a block of ice and being carried away to the Officer Jenny station, Ash turned to the baby Lapras.

"Lap, Lap Lapras?" He asked, having picked up Pokéspeach from his team and his girlfriends.

"Lapras! Lapras Lap!" the baby Lapras cried miserably.

"What? An evil pirate named Captain Crook attacked your herd and separated you from your mother? That's despicable! Let's go beat him up! Come on little Lapras!" Ash reached into his bag and brought out more of his water Pokémon, having decided to carry five water types and Pikachu for this leg of his journey. "Blastoise, Gyarados, Golduck, Kabutops!" he calls out as the massive shinnies all appear and start nuzzling him for attention. "Love you guys too. But we have work to do! Pirates attacked this little baby lapras' herd and separated her from her mother!"

At that there were now five angry Pokémon shooting out into the ocean while a confused officer Jenny watched from the beach, having come to oversee the transfer of the frozen thugs. Shortly the sound of panicked screaming reached the shores as his Pokémon drug the pirates back to the island, ship and all, with the Lapras herd swimming behind.

"I surrender!" the captain sobbed, throwing himself at Officer Jenny and grabbing her legs, "Take me to jail! Just keep those monsters away from me!"

"Us too!" the rest of the crew all cried as they pleaded to be arrested.

"Well, my work here is done." Ash smiled happily as he dusted his hands off, "By baby lapras, by lapras herd." Jumped onto Gyarados with the girls, Ash and his team zoomed away, Pikachu leading alongside their ride as the tiny electric rodent surfed happily.

-Gary Oak: Virginus Eternalus Loserus (Scientific Name)-

"Hmmm," Gary Oak mused to himself as he walked, trying to focus on anything besides his stitched-up ass which hurt with every step "Ghost types are supposed to be smart right? I bet if I go to the Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town then one of them is bound to recognize what an honor it is to be on my team! Gary Oak you genius you've done it again." If anyone had been around to listen to this train of thought, they would have been able to _feel_ his Pokémon in their pokeballs roll their eyes.

Whistling cheerfully, Gary attempted to skip down the trail "Ow fuck my ass!"…keeping his injuries in mind, Gary sedately walked down the trail. What could possibly go wrong this time?

-At the tower, with Murphy's name Invoked-

"Heeeeeelp!" Gary sobbed as various ghosts were using him as a beach ball, tossing him back and forth between them. He didn't know what went wrong! He had gotten to the tower. Marched straight in. Found the biggest Gengar he could, and demanded the stupid ghost become his Pokémon. And this is what happened? Where was the justice in the world? This wasn't fair!

"Haunter!" a second stage ghost zoomed over and licked Gary's face before going from purple to green, rushing away as the sound of intense vomiting could be heard.

"Hey!" Gary protested only to scream when the gengar dropped him onto the floor and went to check on Haunter. "Ow." Gary groaned only for the floor to collapse dropping him down to the floor bellow…which then broke, as did the next, and the next, and the next. "…Oooooooow."

-Ash Ketchum: Awesomus Badassicus Foreverus (Scientific Name)-

-[There, you got an intro for Ash, you happy?]-

Grinning, Ash walked to where the gym was, an arm around each of his girlfriends who were dressed in sexy lifeguard costumes. Glancing over, he saw a coconut laying on the ground with what was clearly a bucket of water attached to it in the tree. "Is…is that supposed to be a trap?" Ash asked the girls who were just as dumbfounded as he was at how pathetic the attempted trap was…and why there was one to begin with.

"Dang it! You weren't supposed ta see it!" a little kid stomped out from behind a tree while sulking. Said sulk was quickly turned to yelps of pain as woman walked over and started pulling on his ear.

"Senta! What have I told you about trying to prank my challengers when you're supposed to be doing your homework!" the woman scolded the kid who was pleading to be let go. "I'm so sorry about him, he's a bit of a brat." The woman smiled at them pleasantly, completely ignoring the struggling kid she was holding in the air by the ear.

"It's no issue." Amy smiled.

"Yeah, the prank was kinda simple and easy to spot which makes sense if a little kid set it up." Giselle nodded.

"I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet town, and I came here to ear my Coral-Eye badge." Ash grinned and stepped forward.

"Names Cissy," the gym trainer shook his hand pleasantly "come on in. You're from Kanto right?"

"Yeah, how could you tell?" Ash asked as he followed the woman inside to a building with a really nice pool."

"Accent, it sticks out." Cissy smiled and dropped her squirming little brother over by a series of controls "Now, our gym works differently than those back in Kanto. To win my badge you have to beat me at two tasks. The first is an accuracy contest between two water types using water gun and then a wave race on the backs of our Pokémon. Make sense?"

"Sounds fun to me!" Ash grinned as Cissy returned it, "Now that's what I like to hear! Go Seadra!" the evolution of Horsea appeared in the water.

"Nice! Ash gave Cissy a thumb's up, "It looks tough! I'll use Kingdra!" he sent out Seadra's shiny evolved form.

"…Holy Fuck, I'm battling the Shiny King." Cissy gaped before laughing, "About time I got an actual challenge! Senta! Bring up the cans!"

"On it sis!" the little kid pushed a button as a row of cans were brought up by the wall.

"Alright Ash. I'll start shooting from the left to the right, you go right to left. You win if you shoot more cans than I do." Cissy explained as she got her Seadra ready, Kingdra doing the same. "On your mark…get set…go!"

"Dra!" Ash's Kingdra started firing water guns at a rapid pace, getting a little over three fourths of the cans itself.

Cissy and her Seadra gape before letting out a sigh, "Damn, good match Ash. We'll have to step up our training. Onto the wave race then." The group walked outside with Senta complaining about how his sister should have won…until said sister started scolding him that was. Ash was just enjoying the praise from his girlfriends.

"Alright, rules?" Ash asked as they got to the shore. "We each get on the backs of a water Pokémon, go out to that buoy, loop around it, and come back. I'll be riding my starter, Blastoise!" she let out the large turtle Pokémon.

"Nice!" Ash grinned, "I'll go with Kingler!" his crab Pokémon made chittering noises as he walked onto its head and the crab walked out, actually walking on top of the water.

"What the fu-…Nope, never mind, not even surprised. Let's do this!" Cissy cheered before they both took off, Blastoise swimming as fast as it could while Kingler just ran across the water without any issue, making it back to shore just after cissy rounded the corner. "Damn, I really need to step up my training. Good race Ash." Cissy offered him a high five when she got back, "Here's your Coral-Eye badge. Be sure to swing by next time you're on the island so we can have a rematch."

"You're on! Catch ya later Cissy! Do your homework Senta!" Ash grinned and waved as he and the girls walked away.

"You're not the boss of me!" the little kid shouted at his back.

"No but I am. Move it buster!" at the order from his sister, Ash could hear Senta scurry away.

-Gary: Legit question, how is he even alive at this point?-

Trudging through Saffron City, Gary looked around as he tired to find the stupid gym but Noooo, the city had to be fucking big and chaotic and the gym wasn't where _he_ would put it so that made it wrong. "Gack!" Gary let out a surprised noise when an old newspaper blew into his face. Ripping it off he saw it was a newspaper from weeks ago and it…showed Ash getting the key to the city and being kissed by Miss Kanto?! "What?!" Gary seethed as he read the article, livid that Ash was getting the kind of treatment that he, Gary Oak, deserved!

"Whatever." Gary sulked childishly, throwing the paper away "Not like she was that hot anyway." Ah, the tried and true Oak formula. Lie to yourself to save the ego and keep lying till you believe it.

"You just wait Ketchum! I'm better than you! You'll see! You'll all see!" Gary proclaimed to the heavens, kicking at a soda can which shot towards a wall…and rebounded to hit him in the face, "Ow! Damnit!"

"Young man! There are children present!" a passing mother gasped scandalized as she covered her children's ears.

"Go stuff a sock in it ya hag!" Gary snapped, not having the time or patience to bother dealing with unimportant people.

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to come with me. You're disturbing the peace." A frowning cop appeared behind him with a scowl.

"Fuuuuuck." Smack "Ow!"

"Language!"

-Ash: He doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down-

"Man, this view is great!" Ash grinned as he continued to climb up the mountain he was on. He and the girls had gotten to Navel Island and he was climbing up a mountain with another trainer, Danny, to get his Sea-Ruby Badge. The girls, dressed as sexy backpackers, were riding up in a cable car. "How you doin' Danny?" he called down to the other trainer who was still far bellow him on the climb.

"Doing…good…" the man wheezed, having tired to keep up with Ash but got tired out quickly. Shrugging, Ash kept going, soon reaching the top only to see nobody there.

"What the?" he looked around in confusion only to see a sign that listed the rules for the challenge and had a photo identifying Danny as the gym leader. "Really dude? Really?!" Ash groaned before climbing back down the mountain, grabbing Danny, and hurrying back up so he could get to his battle.

"…Well...that was emasculating." Danny groaned, "Alright Ash, this is a best two out of three challenge. The first contest is that there are a pair of geysers that always erupt at the same time. We're going to each pick a Pokémon to use an ice attack to freeze that geyser and whoever does so faster wins. The second challenge is to use that frozen pillar to have three Pokémon carve it into a sled. Finally, we race down the mountain on them. Any questions?"

"Nope, I'm good." Ash grinned, already having decided who to use.

"Alright, go Nidoqueen!" Danny sent out his Pokémon.

"Go Raticate." Ash sent out his while Danny just looked confused before shrugging.

"On your mark…get set…go!" Danny ordered as the geysers erupted.

"Ice beam!" The two shouted in tandem as the Nidoqueen went from the bottom up while Raticate's ice beam instantly flash froze the entire geyser of water.

"Um…well done Ash." Danny looked flummoxed, apparently not used to a Raticate being good with Ice beam. "Next use that schematic there to carve your sled. You can use three Pokémon."

"I'll just use Raticate." Ash kept the smile up still as Danny just shrugged and sent out his three. As soon as the signal to begin was called, Ash had Raticate use flame wheel, the little Pokémon spinning around like a sonic blur as it rushed about melting the ice. "Done." Ash grinned, Danny's Pokémon barely having had time to move. "That means I win the badge right?"

"Y…yeah." Danny handed it over and then went to sulk in a corner after his beating.

"Sweet!" Ash got into his new ice sled and pulled the girls in too after returning Raticate, "Come on, let's get going. Weeeeeeeeeee!" they zoomed away where Ash got to enjoy the view from behind the girls as they had their bouncy ride down the mountain.

-Gary: Legit answer, the universe needs someone to laugh at-

Wide eyed and frustrated, Gary finally entered the Saffron city Gym after having been in the city for a week. First he had gotten lost, not his fault, then he had gotten arrested by that stupid cop, not his fault, and then he got arrested again!...Also not his fault. But now he was finally here and ready to win.

Barging past some weirdo holding a spoon, Gary let himself into the gym battle room where he saw a woman, he guessed she was the gym leader, talking to a couple of old people. "Hey!" he shouted, wanting their attention on him like it should be, rather than whatever unimportant thing they were likely talking about, "The Name's Gary Oak! I'm here for my gym battle!"

"I've heard of you." Sabrina rolled her eyes even as they flashed with anger, "This will be a one on one battle. Send out your Pokémon."

"Go Dugtrio!" he sent out the ground type which just made sad noises at seeing where they were, "Suck it up and battle damnit!" he snapped at the Pokémon, his team getting more and more reluctant with each battle he sent them in.

"Go, Unknown." Sabrina called out. The moment the ref began the match Sabrina's eyes glowed as the weird Pokémon shaped like a letter let out an attack that sent Dugtrio flying and unconscious.

"T-that's cheating!" Gary protested even as the ref called the match in favor of the Gym Leader, "She didn't even order an attack!"

"I'm psychic you imbecile." Sabrina scoffed, "I don't need to speak aloud for my Pokémon to hear me. Now get out and stop bothering me." A pair of men wearing scrubs and carrying spoons forcefully escorted him from the building, ignoring his protests all the while.

-Ash: I'd rather be Shiny!-

"You ready for a battle Ash?" Rudy of Trovita Island called out eagerly as they stood atop a large stone pillar on the ocean. Ash's girlfriends were in one hot air balloon wearing dancer outfits while Rudy's cheer squad was in a second hot air balloon, "Cissy told me you gave her a real good showing and I've been looking forward to this!"

"You know it!" Ash grinned, "Rules?"

"Best two out of three. You send out your Pokémon first and I'll send out one with a type to match it."

"Then I'll use my starter, Pikachu!" Ash cheered as his started took the field.

"Pika!" the tiny mouse had lightning crackling about him.

"Then I'll use electivire!" Rudy sent out his electric type which flexed its arms, "You can have the first move Ash."

"Thanks! Thunderbolt buddy!" Ash ordered as Pikachu did so, Electivire dancing out of the way only for the bolt of lightning to actually vaporize another stone pillar nearby when it hit. "Iron tail while they're distracted!" Ash called out, taking advantage of both Rudy and Electivire gaping like magicarp.

Whap! "Electivire is unable to battle, Pikachu is the winner!" the ref called as the girls cheered loudly for Ash and Pikachu.

"I'll use Onyx next!" Ash smiled, wanting to let out his new Pokémon.

"Then I will to." Rudy grinned as they both sent out their Pokémon. Rudy's was a typical healthy-looking onyx. Ash's was made of crystal gems and shone in the sun. "…The absolute fuck?!"

"Beauty ain't she?" Ash grinned as he pet the happy Pokémon, "I caught her just the other day."

"Onyx, use dragon breath!" Rudy ordered.

"Do the same girl!" Ash countered. Rudy's Onyx's dragon breath was a stream of purple energy the size of a fire hose. Ash's Onyx let one out like it was a geyser.

"Rudy's Onyx is unable to battle, Ash's Onyx is the winner!"

"Yahtzee!" Ash whooped happily while his Crystal onyx wiggled happily.

-Gary: Manliest of Men (at least that's what his mommy and daddy said)-

Getting to Cinnabar Island, Gary looked around, trying to spot the dumb riddle hotel that he knew had Blaine's Secret Gym. He had paid for the information from some guy at the Port who, while seemingly touched in the head as the man wouldn't stop snickering during the sale, had shown video evidence of the secret Gym. It had taken all the money Gary had managed to win in the few battles he had succeeded at but he now knew where to find a secret Gym so he could earn his fifth badge.

The sound of loud construction drew his attention as he turned and saw a massive new building being built, a smoking hot redhead standing outside and giving orders to the foreman. Deciding he could afford to treat himself to a hot woman, he stepped forward and slapped her ass, "Heya toots, what's going on here?"

Instantly, the woman had an angry Arbok coiled around him and hissing. "Listen here you disgusting little shit." The woman scowled down at him with an absurd amount of fury, but Gary had no idea why she was so angry, "Don't you ever _dare_ touch me like that again or even _think_ of calling me 'toots'." The woman gave a disgusted shudder, "And if you must know, the Island's new Pokémon Gym is being built."

"New Gym?!" he blurted out even as the Arbok still had him wrapped up tight, "What about the Secret one Blaine has?"

"You heard about that death trap?" the woman raised an eyebrow, "Yes, Blaine _did_ have a secret Gym inside his volcano with the arena literally hanging over a pool of magma but now he has been arrested for insurance fraud, tax evasion, and cheating the league. I'm Ariana, the _new_ Cinnabar Island Gym leader." Gary was slack jawed, focused on the indignity of that fool at the port daring to sell him outdated information. Sell it to some random loser if he had to but nobody cheats an Oak!

"But I need my badge!" Gary rages, trying to wriggle free from the Arbok to no effect.

"I have a field set up over here for trainers wanting to challenge me while the Gym is being built." Ariana shrugged, leading him over to an open field "Lets battle and get this over with. I need to make sure those idiots don't ruin the construction."

"Go Blastoise!" Gary sent out his water type the moment he was released, knowing the island gym was supposed to be the Kanto fire gym.

"Go Pansear." Ariana sent out a tiny little monkey as Gary laughed.

"That's all you're using? This will be easy! Blastoise, use hydro pump!" Gary commanded using all the regal authority he could muster.

"Blast." His started groaned exhausted but only a trickle of water came out.

"Pansear, ember." Ariana ordered as the weak fire attack hit Blastoise who tipped over and fainted. "That was pathetic. Your Blastoise was clearly in poor condition. When was the last time you took your team to a Pokémon center?"

"I don't need any stupid Pokémon centers!" Gary snapped, "Those dumb ass Nurse Joys don't deserve to be in my presence if they can't appreciate the honor of an alpha male like me showing interest!"

"You disgust me." Ariana sneered down at him, "I'll be reporting this to the league. You're likely to lose your license Gary Oak."

"Shove it you hag!" Gary snapped, returning his useless starter, "My grandpa is the regional professor, they'll never take my license away!" stomping out of town, Gary set up camp and went to sleep after eating some food he had swiped from a noodle stand, his team hadn't won so they didn't deserve dinner. Leaning against a tree, Gary fell asleep, unaware of his team letting themselves out to have a meeting with each other.

-The next morning-

The smell woke him first, followed by the wet sticky feeling. Eyes shooting open, Gary let out a totally manly and not at all high-pitched scream at seeing his entire body covered in Pokémon shit, the pokeballs of the five Pokémon he had managed to catch smashed on the ground with the Pokémon nowhere in sight. "You traitors!" Gary raged at his team abandoning him. Him! The trainer who had taken them in and looked after them. "I'll get you for this!"

-Ash: Manliest of Men (As the twin sisters he regularly beds tell him)-

Finally on Kumquat Island, Ash walked into the Hotel his guidebook said had the fourth Orange Crew Challenge, Amy and Giselle with him and dressed as skimpy hotel maids. "So, you must be Ash." A redhaired woman called out as he entered the hotel's Gym arena, "The others told me you would be coming and to be ready for a battle…although Danny wouldn't stop crying for some reason."

"Yeah, he apparently didn't like me beating him." Ash shrugged, not concerned about the guy being a sore loser.

"Rudy and Cissy however sang your praises so I can't wait to see for myself." The woman grinned, "Names Luanna, I'm the local Gym leader. My challenge is the most straight forward of the four. It's a straight up battle for the badge. The twist? It's a double battle."

"Now this sounds fun." Ash gave a wide grin which only grew wider as Amy and Giselle leaned in to kiss his cheeks.

"You'll get more once you have the badge lover boy." Amy promised.

"Much more." Giselle added breathily.

"Well let's get this over with so you can get lucky, eh Ash?" Luanna laughed before tossing out two pokeballs, "Go Alakazam! Marowak!" her team flexed and got ready for a fight.

"Go Butterfree! Beedrill!" Ash threw out his loyal bugs who nuzzled him and then flew to Amy and Giselle for some love. "Ready you two?" they cheered eagerly.

"Alakazam, psychic! Marowak, Bone rush!" Luanna ordered as her Pokémon shot off at impressive speeds.

"Butterfree, use your own psychic! Beedrill, parry that bone rush with Fell stinger!" Ash countered. His little butterfly Pokémon glowed with psychic energy as it pushed through the alakazam's psychic and slammed the spoon wielding Pokémon into a wall. Beedrill knocked aside the bone rush and then stung Marowak who dropped to the ground defeated. Right as the ref began to call for him as the victor the two bugs began to glow, evolving further than their stage three forms. Beedrill evolved into a permanent mega Beedrill while Butterfree evolved into what looked like a smaller version of that Galar Gigantimax form.

"You guys evolved again!" he cheered as he pulled the two bugs into a group hug, Amy and Giselle joining eagerly as his bugs buzzed happily.

"…Well damn, ya don't see that every day." Luanna gaped before walking over, "And here's the Jade-Star badge Ash, you've earned it. Hell, I never thought I'd see third stage Pokémon evolve again so go ahead and use the penthouse suite for the day."

"You heard the lady." Amy grinned eagerly.

"Let's not look a gift horse in the mouth." Giselle began dragging him to the elevator.

"Thanks Luanna!" all three shouted together, waving as they went straight to the top.

-Gary: Does he even count as a trainer?-

Scuttling through the woods at the mainland, Gary snarled as he tried to find a new Pokémon he could catch without having to battle it. After those pathetic traitors had abandoned him, Gary had been forced to sneak onto a garbage boat to get back to the mainland and now he was hiding out in the woods. But what to do now?

"Wait, I've got it!" Garry slammed a fist into his palm eagerly "Team Rocket! They give all their grunts Pokémon. I can join team rocket, get a bunch of new Pokémon, show those bastards who dared mock me their place, and then take down team rocket from the inside! I'll be a Hero! Gary you genius you've done it again." After a short victory dance for himself, Gary set out to where Viridian City should be. He remembered hearing that Viridian was where most of the Rockets were spotted so it was likely their base. He didn't feel the need to check the news on that to see if it had changed, the news was for unimportant little people. People like Gary Oak _were_ the news.

"Now…which ways is Viridian?"

-Ash: The Bugs Bunny of the Pokémon World-

Stepping into the arena on Pummelo Island, Ash held up his hands to the crowd as they roared in excitement for the coming battle. A lot of people from Kanto were there to cheer him on. He saw his Mom, his dad, the rest of the elite four, the Kanto Champion, Professor Oak, Lieutenant Surge, Sabrina, Ariana, Miss Kanto, and a bunch of the officer Jenny's and Nurse Joys he had met all there cheering him on as he walked to his box on the field, Amy and Giselle at his side and dressed like ring girls. "He's here folks!" the announcer called out, "Our Challenger, the Shiny King of Kanto! The Guru of Battle! The maximum monster of manly machismo! Ash Ketchuuuuum!" the roar shook the stadium as the Kanto natives hooted and hollered their local pride.

"And here comes our defending Champ. You know him, you love him. We have Drake, the guardian of the Orange Islands!" the local Orange Island natives now cheered for their local hero and favorite. Ash could see the four Orange Crew leaders he had already beat following behind Drake.

"Ready for a battle?" Ash grinned widely as Drake got to his spot.

"You know it Ash." Drake grinned eagerly, "I've been looking forward to this battle since my friends told me about you."

"Same here." Ash beamed, "I'll start with Mr. Mime!"

"Mime Mime!" his Barrier Pokémon waved to the crowd happily, especially Ash's mom and her Mr. Mime which was _his_ Mr. Mime's best friend.

"Interesting choice Ash." Drake grinned, "I'll use Ditto! Use transform buddy!"

"And the champ is starting strong with his signature opener Ditto! There are some trainers who never even make it past this one Pokémon in their island challenge!" the announcer calls out as there are now Two Mr. Mimes on the field.

"Pound!" Ash said happily as his Mr. Mime brought a fist down on his opponent's head and knocked out the fake Mr. Mime who turned back into a ditto.

"Go Onyx!" Drake sent out his second mon.

"Thunder Punch!" Mr. Mime sent the onyx flying high clearly unconscious, Drake hurriedly returning the unconscious rock snake before it hit the ground.

"Gengar!"

"Hyper beam!" the powerful normal attack still hit the ghost and one shot it.

"How in the he-…I mean with three Pokémon down, we'll now take a five-minute break and reset the field!" the announcer caught themselves before cursing on a live broadcast. Moving back to his box, Ash spent those five minutes happily making out with his girlfriends while Mr. Mime played on his Gameboy.

"Will both contestants please return to the field!" the announcer called as Ash reluctantly stopped kissing Amy, Giselle a happy pile of girlfriend goo on the bench.

"I'll keep Mr. Mime." Ash said happily.

"I'll use my Venasaur!" Drake sent out the Kanto grass titan.

"Magical leaf!"

"Venasaur is unable to battle!"

"Electabuzz!"

"Aerial Ace!"

"Electabuzz is unable to battle!"

"You're my last hope. Go dragonite!"

"Mr. Mime, use Return!" the arena shakes from the impact to show one extremely knocked out dragonite.

"Dragonite is unable to battle! I can't believe it folks! The Challenge, Ash Ketchum, has just beaten the entire team of our Champion by only using one Pokémon! This'll go down in the history books folks! What a day! I believe we may very well be in the presence of the greatest Pokémon trainer in history!"

-Gary: No, I don't think he ever counted as a trainer-

Walking through Viridian, Gary noticed the local Gym was taped closed with cops all over it. "What the?" he looked confused at the sight.

"Haven't you been watching the news?" a passerby asked incredulously at Gary's surprise, gesturing to a nearby store with a wall of TVs playing the news for emphasis, "The Local Gym leader was the head of Team Rocket. He got beaten and now the whole criminal organization has been taken down thanks to Ash Ketchum, the Shiny King. Hey, that's him on the news now!"

Looking over, Gary saw Ash Ketchum with two babes hanging off him while he was given a solid gold trophy by some island beauty along with a Kiss, five important looking trainers bowing in respect to Ash. "Dragonite is unable to battle! I can't believe it folks! The Challenge, Ash Ketchum, has just beaten the entire team of our Champion by only using one Pokémon! This'll go down in the history books folks! What a day! I believe we may very well be in the presence of the greatest Pokémon trainer in history!"

"DAMN YOU KETCHUUUUUM!"

-Mewtwo: He of the neck handle for easy carrying-

Watching the news of the powerful trainer, Mewtwo looked at his mind slave Nurse Joy "That one. I wish for that one."

"Yes master." She bowed and nodded as Mewtwo steepled his fingers, soon everything would be complete, and he would remake this world.

-Ash: The man who has far more titles than is necessary-

"What do you mean we can't get to new island?!" an angry trainer shouted at an Officer Jenny as they all waited in a building by the shore.

"The storm is just too dangerous." The officer said with a frown.

"Not for me." Ash smiled happily, "Come on Amy, Giselle." Stepping outside and ignoring the curious crowd and irate Jenny, Ash sent out Zapdos "Hey buddy, can you get us to New Island?"

"Dos!"

"Thanks." Ash beamed as he and his girlfriends climbed on and enjoyed a romantic flight through the storm…well it was romantic for him at least, he got to kiss his girlfriends. With the power of Zapdos, they got there within the span of only a couple minutes, a woman he recognized as a Nurse Joy but with glazed eyes greeting them. "Are you alright?" Ash asked her as she continued to look at him with lifeless eyes. "Boop. He poked her as her eyes cleared.

"Run! You have to flee this place! There's a powerful Pokémon here who controlled me! Mewtwo! The clone of Mew!" the now free Nurse joy exclaims frantically.

"That sounds awesome!" Ash beamed, "Amy, Giselle, come on, I want to battle him!" throwing his girlfriends over his shoulder, Ash ran in, ignoring the protests of the now free Nurse Joy. Inside, he saw who he guessed was Mewtwo, it was pale white and green.

"Hey, I'm here to battle you!" Ash beamed.

"You will have to face my own Pokémon. Blastoise, Venasaur, and Charizard." Mewtwo snapped his weird orb ball fingers as said three Pokémon with weird tribal markings rose from the floor.

"Sounds good. Blastoise, use skull bash. Venasaur, use vine whip. Charizard, use flamethrower." Ash ordered happily. The tribal marked Pokémon are now knocked out in a wall.

"Impossible!" Mewtwo gaped in shock.

"Nope." Ash smiled as he walked over to Mewtwo. "You need a hug." Squish.

"Gack!" Mewtwo fainted from the strength of the bear hug.

"…Too much?" Ash asked his girlfriends who just shrugged amused.

"Mew!" looking up he saw a shiny mew waving at him.

"Awesome! Hi Mew, I'm Ash." He shook hands with the tiny legendary, "Wanna be friends?"

"Mew!" the creation Pokémon looked thrilled and flew down to grab two pokeballs, using one to catch Mewtwo and the other himself.

"…Cool! More Pokémon!"


	4. Chapter 4

Ooooooooh, Shiny

Episode IV: A New and Very Shiny Hope

-He's here, he's there, he's everywhere! Who you gonna call? Psycho Douche Gare-Bear-

"Alright inmates, we got a nice little treat for yas." Gary glared at the warden, the fat bastard swaggering around like he was so important. Meanwhile Gary Oak, alpha male of alpha males, heir of Professor Oak himself no less! He was stuck in a filthy prison jumpsuit and handcuffed to a table with a bunch of useless canon fodder criminals. This was entrapment! Entrapment he says! How was he supposed to know that the rumor he heard of Team Rocket recruiting to rise again was actually the cops trying to capture any lingering supporters or members? He was trying to join and take them down from the inside to be a Hero damnit!

"We're going to be showing the Indigo League." The Warden's chief of Security announced as the long-time prisoners cheered happily like eager puppies while a projector lit up one of the walls of the mess hall.

"Well, you're seeing it here first folks!" The voice of the Indigo League commentator came through instantly, "We're getting to see a record being made as Ash Ketchum, the Shiny King of Kanto, the Pride of Pallet town, thought by many to be the greatest trainer in the world is setting yet another record! We're here for the arrival of the Moltres flame torch and Ash Ketchum is the one bringing it. He set off with the torch from the beginning and it looks like he's about to be the first runner in the history of the Indigo League to bring it all the way by himself without stopping or changing runners. Here he comes now!" On the screen, cresting a hill, Gary saw Ash come jogging. Shirtless, muscles glistening with sweat, and carrying the torch of Moltres' fire, the shiny legendary bird itself flapping above Ash. "Ash Ketchum has been jogging the route from across Kanto with the torch for a full week straight without sleep or food and is still going strong. Talk about stamina from the manliest of manly men, the Shiny King!" this was made worse when Gary saw the various League Groupies throwing their numbers and bras to Ash, numbers and bras that should belong to him! Gary Oak! The _true_ greatest trainer in history!

"DAMN YOU KETCHUUUUUUUM!"

"Shut it punk, I wanna watch the shiny king!" one of the female inmates slammed Gary's head into the table, "Damn that's a fine piece of man meat right there."

"…Ooooooooow."

-Leon Smeon, Ash Ketchum is where it's at!-

Walking out onto the arena, Ash waved to the cheering crowd, his face still covered in kiss marks that the girls had given him while in their special cheerleader outfits they got for his league matches. Across from him was 'the Great Mandi' or 'Mandi the Astounding' or something else like that, who was apparently a favorite to win the Indigo league this year.

"Alright everybody and welcome!" The announcer declared happily over the roar of the crowd, "We have a great opening match for you here today! In the Red corner we have the Astounding Mandi! An early favorite to win the Pokémon League and an all-around crowd pleaser with his exciting battle style!" the pink shirted guy Ash had thought was a juggler waved to the crowd while smirking.

"And in the Green Corner, we have Ash Ketchum! The Shiny King! Champion of the Orange Islands! Record setter and the son of Bruno himself! Accompanied by his two girlfriends! Show him how you feel folks!" the crowd cheered louder making Mandi scowl.

"THAT'S MY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!" the ever-eager voice of his dad, Bruno, shouted out from the stands, the muscle bound elite four member wearing the first shirt Ash can ever remember seeing him in as it was a 'Go Ash' T-shirt, complete with soda-drinking baseball cap and foam finger.

"Hi Dad!" Ash waved happily, "Hi Mom! Hi Mimey!"

"We are in the middle of an important battle!" Mandi snapped irritably although Ash had no idea why. Maybe the guy stubbed his toe this morning?

"Trainers, send out your Pokémon!" the referee ordered.

"Go, Kingler!" Ash sent out his crab buddy who, as always, declared his requests for cookies.

"Go, Exeggutor!" Mandi sent out the happy psychic plant who paused its dancing to look up at the Kingler who stood two feet taller than it.

"COOKIE!" Kingler shouted, slamming his giant claw on the water as a wave-soaked Mandi and Exeggutor.

"Alright buddy, win this and I'll have mom make you some Chocolate Chip cookies!" Ash promised as Kingler's eyes lit up with unholy fire.

"COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE!" Kingler began his war chant as Exeggutor looked nervous.

"Let the match begin!" The referee declared.

"Cookie!" Kingler whacked Exeggutor on the head as all three coconut faces passed out.

"Exeggutor is unable to battle, Kingler is the winner!" the referee declared while said crab waved to the audience. Ash could hear his mom demanding someone bring her an oven to make cookies immediately. "Trainer Mandi, send out your next Pokémon."

"Go Seadra!"

Bonk!

"Seadra is unable to battle, Kingler is the winner! Trainer Mandi, send out your final Pokémon!" the ref ordered. Ash meanwhile was joining Kingler in his war dance, the smell of baking cookies wafting down from the stands.

"Prepare to face my ace Pokémon! My strongest partner! The one who started my journey and will win this for me! GO! GOLBAT!"

Splash.

"Golbat is unable to battle! Kingler is the winner! Victory in the match goes to Ash Ketchum!"

"Yahtzee!" Ash cheered as he scooped up the girls, "Come on Kingler, it's cookie time!"

"COOKIE!"

-Gary Oak, he makes Team Rocket look like rocket scientists-

Screaming angrily through his gag, Gary thrashed about to try and get it out after being forced to watch Ash win his first two matches, each with only one Pokémon each. Ash was currently sitting on the shoulders of a shiny Blastoise and making out with a pair of cheerleader babes. To make matters worse, all the female inmates he was sitting with, as he was determined to get them to give him the attention he deserves, were all talking about fantasies involving Ash! Why couldn't those stupid wenches see that he was the superior specimen?!

"Hmmm, I'd let him enjoy my cookies." One of the very top-heavy inmates purred as she looked at Ash, "I might have to look him up one I get parole."

"Get in line Jones, I'm scoring first." A second inmate scoffed at her friend as the whole table dissolved into debates on how 'well endowed' Ash was, leaving Gary unfairly ignored and unloved. At least it couldn't get any worse right?"

-One hour later-

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Gary screamed and pleaded with the guard as he was locked back in his cell with his roommates.

His gay roommates.

Who were also discussing their fantasies with Ash.

WHY WASN'T THE UNIVERSE FARI?!

-Ash, the man who can swan dive into shit and come out covered in diamonds, roses, and roses made of diamonds-

"Welcome back Kanto fans!" the announcer shouted lout while the crowd cheered, "Are you ready to watch our very own Shiny King battle again?!" the crowd screaming loud enough to be heard in Johto was a pretty good indicator of the answer to said question being 'yes'. "That's what I thought! Today, our masterful monarch of meticulously shiny Pokémon is going to be fighting in the ice field! His opponent is an excellent trainer, Pete of Cerulean city!"

"That crowd'll be mine soon when I take your crown 'shiny king'!" Pete declared, before throwing his head back and giving a deep belly laugh before looking around to see what the audience's response to his declaration.

Kricketot…Kricketot…Kricketot.

"Trainer's, send out your Pokémon." The unimpressed referee ordered.

Pete pulled a pokeball from his belt and struck a pose, "Behold my starter pokemon's amazing power! Their unstoppable fury! Their unquenchable thirst for victory! Their stupendous, magnificent, unyielding, unstoppable…wait did I already use that one?"

"GET ON WITH IT!" the crowd shouted at once.

"GO DRAGONITE!" Pete sent out the giant orange dragon who let out a roar, flexing and posing and trying to look all spooky scary.

"Go Parasect!" Ash declared as he sent out his happy mushroom bug who scuttled over and waved at Dragonite, offering a claw to shake.

"That's it?" Pete laughed, "That's all the great 'shiny king' has to offer? This will be a piece of-"

"Dragonite is unable to battle, Parasect is the winner!" the ref declared, interrupting Pete's monologue while the dragon lay on its back, tongue sticking out while Parasect kept poking it.

"Sect?" Parasect looked back as if to ask, 'dats it?'

"Trainer Pete, send out your second Pokémon."

"Go Cloyster! Avenge your fallen leader! Right this dreadful wrong! Best this insignificant-"

"Cloyster is unable to battle, Parasect is the winner!"

"Son of a!" Pete stomped his feet in an angry tantrum.

"Trainer Pete, send out your final Pokémon." The referee ordered.

"Arcanine! Avenge our team! Go forth you might beast of destruct-"

"Arcanine is unable to battle, Ash Ketchum and Parasect are the winners!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pete fell to his knees and screamed to the heavens.

"Parasect, you were awesome buddy!" Ash happily ran onto the ice field to hug his happy little bug buddy.

"Sect, sect, Parasect!"

-Gary Oak, Kanto's most annoying jail worm-

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggh!" Gary groaned from his new table. The girls he had tried to woo before weren't worthy of his presence if they still thought some loser like Ash Ketchum was some sort of prize. Who cared if that loser was in the Pokémon League? Who cared if he had over a hundred shiny Pokémon? Who cared if Ash was rich and had never lost a battle? He was Gary Fucking Oak! He had the ultimate pedigree of manliness!

"Stop whining brat!" one of his new tablemates slapped him upside the head, "We're getting to watch the greatest trainer in history win his first league! You have no reason to complain!"

"That's a lie!" Gary hissed like a rabid meowth, "He's not the greatest! I'm better! ME! I'm an Oak!"

"Oak, Smoak. You couldn't win at tic, tac, toe!"

-Ash Ketchum-

"And here we are Pokémon fans! This is the final entry round battle for Ash Ketchum, the shiny king, and Jenette Fisher! A Kanto small town heroine! Who will win, who will go further in the tournament? Are we facing the newest Kanto League Champion?!"

"Go Jenette! GO!" His opponent's cheer squad shouted happily.

"GO ASH! GO!" everyone else shouted just as eagerly.

"Good luck Jenette!" Ash waved happily to his nice opponent who happily waved back. It was so great getting to meet fun loving trainers like this!

"Trainers, send out your Pokémon!" the ref ordered, the man all smiles having gotten Ash's autograph before the match.

"Go Beedrill!" Jenette struck a pose as she sent out her bug.

"Hey, you have one too? Let's make this a Beedrill battle! Come on out buddy!" Ash sent out his evolved Beedrill who struck a pose, even as their opponent's bug got hearts in its eyes.

"Begin!" the ref shouted only for Jenette's Beedrill to pass out via nosebleed while Ash and his Beedrill just blinked confused.

"Um…Beedrill is unable to battle. Shiny bigger beedril is the winner…please actually battle next time." The ref declared as Jenette returned her black and yellow bug.

"Go Scyther!" Jenette sent out Pokémon number to.

"I'll sent out my Scyther too!" Ash happily sent out his own blade bug…NOSEBLEED!

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!" the ref demanded before coughing, "I mean, uh, Scyther is unable to battle! Shiny Scyther wins! Trainer Jeanette, send out your final Pokémon!"

"Go Bellsprout!" Jenette sent out her final Pokémon who struck a pose.

"…Um Muk?" Ash decided to avoid a triple nosebleed knockout.

"Sprout!" the twitterpated bellsprout shot all the way into Jenette's cheer squad.

"Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Bellsprout is unable to battle, Ash Ketchum is the winner."

-Bary, no that's not it. Lary? No, that's wrong to. Loser McLoser-face. Yeah, that's the one-

"Even the King's Pokémon are heartthrobs!" Gary heard a guard laugh happily, "I'm making bank on this!"

"Seriously? He's the favorite to win. The odds would barely let you win a dime!" guard number two exclaimed in shock.

"I bet on him to win the league after he won his first Gym Battle." Guard the first responded smugly, "Saw his battle with Brock when I was in town and bet my life savings on him to win the league! I'm gonna make millions! Millions! This kid is the best thing to happen to Kanto ever!"

"He's not that impressive." Gary snarled at the guards while he sat otherwise alone at his table, the other inmates not allowed near him in case they unfairly attack him…again.

"Remind me to have the warden sign this one up for therapy. He's delusional." Guard one muttered to guard two.

"I can hear you!"

-Oh, was the last Ash Opening too boring for you? Fine ya needy little babies.-

\- Behold! Ash Ketchum, the mighty, magnificent, manly, melodious, meticulous, marvelous, miraculous, motivational, majestic, magical, mind-blowing, mesmerizing, magnanimous, marketable, memorable, masculine, matchless, meritorious, meteoric, metaphysical, momentous, monumental, and muscular master and mastermind of Shiny Pokémon! Witness him and be in awe!-

"We're now down to the top sixteen folks! What an amazing Indigo League!" the ever-excited announcer shouted out. "Here we have Kanto's top two rookies, two rising stars! Ash the Shiny King Ketchum! And Ritchie the nicknamer Sands!"

"HI RITCHIE!" Ash waved to his buddy, both of their Pikachus waving back excitedly.

"HEY ASH!" Ritchie waved back, "THIS IS AWESOME!"

"I KNOW!" Ash cheered, "OH, AND MOM SAYS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JOIN US FOR DINNER TONIGHT! SHE'S MAKING STEW!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"YOUNG MAN! LANGUAGE!" Momma Ketchum shouted as Ash and Ritchie both gulped.

"Battle?"

"Yes, let's battle, much safer."

"GO PIKACHU!"

"SPARKY!"

"THUNDERBOLT!" Ash and Ritchie shouted together as their electric types' power clashed dramatically.

-Gary Oak, he gets one word for his introduction. 'Ponce'. Witness him and cringe, for he is pathetic-

"This battle is incredible folks! Ash Ketchum's Pikachu has taken out Ritchie's Pikachu Sparky, Charizard Zippo, Butterfree Happy, Tailow Rose, Eevee…Eevee, and now he's battling Cruise the Tyranitar!" Gary saw Ash's pathetic mouse staring down the giant rock Pseudo legendary and prayed to Arceus to finally see Ash lose. To suffer a humiliating defeat like he deserves! Please just lose damnit!

"Pikachu, use thunder shock!" Ash pointed at the giant Rock Pokémon started glowing bright enough for its skeleton to be visible, then fall down in defeat. "Yahtzee!"

"Why Arceus?! I only ask for what's fair and right in the world!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" everyone else in the prison shouted.

-Ash: Arceus' gift to women (literally)-

All but dancing in place, after having kissed Amy and Giselle senseless, his golden blonde girlfriend from the sisters having had the disgruntled expression she always had when she heard a prayer that annoyed her. Now he was heading up to battle in the quarter finals against some guy named 'Tobias' who had won every battle with the same Pokémon apparently.

"This is gonna be so fun!"

"I look forward to gifting you your first defeat." Tobias flipped his hair dramatically, "Come forth, Darkrai!"

"Go Mew!" Ash sent out his happy psychic kitty buddy who flew over to glomp his head. "Alright buddy, use Psychic!"

"Darkrai is unable to battle, Mew is the winner!"

"Latios!"

"Pound!"

"Raikou!"

"Water Gun!"

"Terrakion!"

"Tackle!"

"Volcanion!"

"Razor leaf!"

"Articuno!"

"Gust!"

"And Articuno is now unable to battle! Ash Ketchum has now beaten Tobias, the only trainer in the world to only use legendary Pokémon! What a battle! What a tournament!"

-Gary: Proof for that every manly man, there must be an equal an opposite unmanly one-

"Wow, I think this one finally broke him." Guard the first muttered as he stared down at Gary who was thrashing and frothing at the mouth upon seeing Ash's latest victory.

-Ash Ketchum, he can shake hands with Ash William's chainsaw and break it-

"Now we have our very own Kanto Shiny King fighting Alain folks! This man flew all the way out from Kalos and won every badge within two weeks! Let's see how it goes!"

"Go Unfezant!"

"Go Mewtwo!" Ash smiled as he sent out his grumpy Pokémon.

"Use Psycho cut on all of em!"

"Unfezant is no longer able to battle!"

"Go Bisharp!"

"Bisharp Is unable to battle!"

"Go Weaville!"

"Weaville is unable to Battle!"

"Go Tyranitar!"

"Tyranitar is unable to battle!"

"Go metagross!"

"Metagross is unable to battle!"

"Go Charizard! MEGA EVOLVE!"

"Mega Charizard X is unable to battle, Mewtwo and Ash are the winners!"

-Gary Oak, he might be able to make a dust bunny wince if he punched it-

"Yeah, he's definitely broken now."

-Ash: BEWARE!-

"Now we're at the finals! Ash Ketchum shall be battling Leon, the Champion of Galar! Who came to Kanto with special permission to enter the league from Charles Goodshow and won all eight badges in a day!"

"I'll start with Aegislash!"

"Go Giratina! Use Shadow claw!"

"Aegislash is unable to battle!"

"Dragapult!"

"Shadow ball!"

"Haxorus!"

"Shadow Force!"

"Go Rhyperior!"

"Giratina, return. Go Arceus! Use Stomp!"

"Rillaboom!"

"Headbutt!"

"Charizard! Dynamax!"

"Oooooooh, that looks fun! Arceus, you go big mode too! Then Judgement!"

"Charizard is no longer able to battle! Ash Ketchum has won the Indigo League!"

-Gary: He wants you to fear him too! Come on, it's like a charity…a really, really, REALLY sad charity-

"…Should we do anything to help him?"

"Are you saying you want to bother?"

"…Not really."

-Ash Ketchum, there is nothing left to say for this pinnacle of trainer hood that hasn't already been said-

"THAT'S MY BOY!" Bruno gave Ash his best attempt at a bear hug. "You won the Indigo league, so are you going to challenge the elite four now?"

"Not yet, I've got a better idea!"

"…Ash…what does that mean?"

-Epilogue: Wait, you mean TheSilverboar is actually completing a story? That's possible?!-

And lo, Ash did not rush off to battle the elite four and champion as was his right as League Champion, a right that was his for three years after winning the league. Ash went from region to region, winning all eight badges in every other region and their matching leagues all in the same year. As he went he caught every shiny Pokémon of every region, defeated that regions villainous team or teams, and stopped dozens of plots to destroy the world.

Then, having won every Region's league within two years, Ash went and battled every elite four and champion, becoming champion of the world! With his new title under his belt, Ash finally settled down and married Amy and Giselle. As a wedding gift, they decided to invite other women to join them on their honeymoon in the hopes of finally outdoing Ash's stamina.

So they invited Ariana, and all the Nurse Joys they'd met in their journey, and the officer Jenny's, and the Cerulean Sensational Sisters, and Sabrina, and Janine, and Aya, and Lorelai, and Cissy, and Whitney, and Jasmine, and Clair, and Karen, and Roxanne, and Flannery, and Winona, and Phoebe, and Glacia, and Gardenia, and Maylene, and Fantina, and Candice, and Elesa, and Skyla, and Roxie, and Shauntal, and Caitlin, and Cynthia, and Viola, and Alexa, and Korrina, and Valerie, and Olympia, and Malva, and Diantha, and Lana, and Mallow, and Acerola, and Mina, and Olivia, and Kahili, and Nessa, and Bea, and Melony, and Marnie, and Kris, and May, and Leaf, and Dawn, and Lyra, and Hilda, and Rosa, and Serena, and Gloria, and Lilie, and Shelly, and Bianca of Altomare, and Bianca of Unova, and Courtney, and Pike Queen Lucy, and Dahlia, and Argenta, Angie, and Zoey, and Miss Kanto, and Miss Johto, and Miss Hoenn, and Miss Sinnoh, and Miss Unova, and Miss Kalos, and Miss Alola, and Miss Galar, and Miss World, and Miss Universe, and Blanche, and Candela, and Cheryl, and Daisy Oak, and Duplica, and DJ Mary, and Georgia, and Giselle, and Grace, and Lady Ilene, and Liza, and Lusamine, and Luna Carson, and Plumeria, and Princess Salva, and Shauna, and Solidad, and Ursula, and Zinnie, and Wicke, and Oleanna, and Princess Sara, and Queen Rin brought forward through time, and Mars, and Jupiter, and Aliana, and Bryony, and Celosia, and Mable, and Professor Ivy, and Professor Juniper, and Sonia, and Fennel.

They were not successful in outlasting Ash and he was still capable of going on and rejoining the first girls to celebrate once they had recovered and he had gone through the list, thus creating a never-ending honeymoon cycle.

As for Gary? Who cares, this isn't his story.


End file.
